Friday, August 14, 2009

The Chevron Board Meeting

I think a quick recap of Rachael's Chevron exploits is in order.

It all started at the Chevron on Davis Road in Salinas, CA. Rachael decided to really test out the 4-wheel drive capabilities of our Expedition and muscled it through the car-wash, resulting in a $1000 co-pay. I'm not sure, but I think our insurance went up as well.

The second Chevron incident was at the same Chevron. Rachael drove off with the nozzle still firmly implanted in her gas tank and ripped the hose and nozzle right off of the gas pump.

The third time, Rachael was at the Chevron in Prunedale, CA. For the SECOND time, she drove off with the nozzle hanging on for dear life as it's umbilical cord was snapped free from the life-giving fuel pump.

So far, Rachael had managed to get by with nothing more than a $1000 co-pay. Chevron had not charged her a dime for any damage done.

Then, came the fourth, and hopefully the final time that Rachael decided to test the patience and tolerance of Chevron. The event took place at the Chevron in Prunedale again. To the dismay of the Chevron staff that had watched Rachael dragging the remains of their pump hose beside her Honda, they got to see a repeat. I like to think of it as a sequel to the entertaining sitcom that is known as Life With Rachael.

This fourth time, something changed.

Chevron responded differently than they ever had before.

They charged us for the damage.

They charged us a whopping $442. Now it could be argued that this was one of the best things that Chevron could have ever done. After all, the desire to pay for her damage was the genesis of the idea for Rachael's blog, My Poor Husband, and where would we all be without that?

That being said, I still wanted to find out why they charged us this time, when they never had before. I began to think about it.

To ponder.

To consider the possibilities.

My mind began to slowly overturn every over-looked rock to let the sharp sunlight of openness and honesty expose the dark and impure motives of Chevron.

I began to imagine what it must have been like for the Board Members of the Montery County Chevron Meeting.

Now, I can't be sure, but I think it must have went something like this:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ This is where the screen starts to fade and the day-dream sequence begins. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Chairman: "So, wrapping up, Ever since we began our relationship with GE Money Bank (GEMB), profits have been soaring. I'm proud to announce that every member of upper management will be receiving a substantial quarterly bonus, based off of the incredible revenue our late fees have been generating."

Local Manager: "Aren't you worried about the long-term consequences of these overtly irregular and unfair charges? I mean, don't you think we'll lose a bunch of customers?"

Chairman: "Well, it remains to be seen what the long-term consequences will be, but what I think we should be focusing on is the here and now. We're raking in profits like never before! I'd like to thank each of you for your part in this endeavor. And, that brings us to our last item on the agenda today. I notice that we've had an increase in the deductible for our Errors and Omissions Insurance. What is the cause of this?"

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Well, I know speaking for my store, we've had a bit more customer damage than normal. In fact, we had one lady that tried to barrel through our carwash with her Expedition and then returned back to the gas station at a later time and pulled one of my gas pump hoses right off of the pump when she drove off with it attached to her Honda."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "That's interesting, because mine is a very similar circumstance. I had some lady that drove off with the nozzle still stuck in her gas tank TWICE. The same lady! Both Times! And she was in a Honda, also."

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Really- It wasn't a Honda Accord was it?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "Actually, it was. Hold on- Let me grab the records. It was license plate 4GSPUMP5."

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Oh my goodness- It's the SAME PERSON!"

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Wow! That's incredible. The same person. Four different incidents. What are the odds?"

Chairman: "It seems obvious to me that we need to take action. When was the last incident?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "That would be at my store and it was just a short time ago. What do you think we should do?"

Chairman: "It appears to me that she needs to learn a lesson. I think charging her four or five hundred dollars should do the trick."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "I'll make it around $450."

Chairman: "Sounds good. Let us know what happens."

*****Fast forward to the next month's meeting*****

Chairman: "So whatever happened with the Chevron Bandit?"

Managers: "Who?"

Chairman: "The Chevron Bandit - You know, the crazy lady that has tried to destroy one of our car washes and three of our gas pumps. You were going to talk with her."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "You are NOT going to believe this. She agreed to pay a bill of $442. BUT, she asked if she could do it in payments and pay for it with money she's making off of her new blog, My Poor Husband. Apparently, she is going to post this whole escapade on her blog and try to make money off of it. Can you imagine!"

Chairman: "The nerve of some people. What did you tell her?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "I told her that was fine as long as it was a minimum of $75 per month."

Chairman: "Just make sure she learns her lesson. Since our last meeting, I received a video that I think is her damaging another service station. She must be stopped. I'm not sure, but I think she borrowed a friend's car and had another carwash incident too.Is it legal for us to ban her from all Chevron stores?"

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Daydream is over- Back to Reality\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

So, I can't be sure, but I think that's close to the way it happened.

Whatever the truth may be, I was driving by the gas station in Prunedale the other day and noticed something funny.....

They had installed a second sign that was titled "Rachael's Prices". Check it out.

**For a more recent update to this saga, check out this link.**

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