Thursday, January 28, 2010

Adam and Eve

Give Me Eyes, So I Can See

Kids say the darndest things!

Anyone that is a parent knows this to be true.  There is nothing like the honesty of a child to keep you humble.  They will talk in complete innocence and total candor about your weight, gray hair, or other maladies you would like to keep hidden and might have fooled yourself into believing you had. 

They also see the world through a brand new set of eyes.  Eyes that have not yet been trained to only see what has been programmed for them.  Eyes that still search out the details and try to make honest sense of them.  Eyes that are beautiful to sometimes look through.  One of the greatest joys of parenting is to be able to vicariously re-live experiences and to look at things from a fresh perspective.

Sometimes, though, it's just plain funny what they come up with.

Tonight was one of those times. 

Rebecca came in and asked me where the Garden of Eden was.  I told her of the three theories I knew about and then told her we could search online to see if there were other theories I did not know about.  We found a website that had a picture of Adam and Eve on it.

As the picture came on the screen, Rebecca exclaimed, "Dad, they're naked!"

I knew she had seen plenty of Sunday School stories with pictures of Adam and Even that closely resembled this one, so I didn't know what the big deal was.  As I started to tell her that it was Adam and Eve, she then said, "Oh, it's Adam and Eve", like that settled everything.  I guess Adam and Eve get a free pass. 

With her next words I understood her original consternation.

"I thought that was Paul and Jesus at first."  While Adam and Eve get a free pass for being naked, Jesus and Paul definitely do not.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud when she said that.  But more was to come.

"But then I saw the long blond hair, and realized it was probably Eve."

While I was sitting here wondering if Eve really would have had blond hair (probably so, since she WAS created perfect), she went right on with her thoughts.

"It still kind of looks like two guys though.  You have to admit it looks like the guys on Guitar Hero."

Well, now that you mention it, it kind of does.  Although thankfully the guys on Guitar Hero are at least wearing clothes.  Some, anyway.

So, Adam and Eve, Jesus and Paul, or two guys from Guitar Hero.  I guess it's all how you look at the picture.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Cell Phone Stun Gun

The scream pierces the otherwise silent vehicle.

The female passenger jerks spasmodically in a way that suggests she may be getting electrocuted.

The 4 others in the vehicle begin to laugh as the innocent victim recovers from her harrowing incident.

While these statements could be part of a novel detailing the adventures of a psychotic family gaining merriment at the expense of the hapless and helpless female victim, in actuality, they just chronicle a very ordinary trip home from church when you live Life With Rachael.

Rachael, like a lot of you, often has her cell phone set to vibrate, or in her case 'stun', to ensure it doesn't unnecessarily disturb a serene service at church.  This is a great idea.

And lots of fun.

For whatever reason, when Rachael's phone vibrates, it scares the tarnation out of her.  She'll jump.  She'll scream. 

And, often, she'll then give me the hairy eyeball look.  The one all of you husbands know. 

This is because I have learned how to be an effective Rachael cell phone stunner.  For those of you that have read the other posts here, you may remember that Rachael has a tendency to transition into her own magical land, The Rachael Zone, fairly easily.  So sometimes when we're driving home from church and I have a fairly reasonable chance of her cell phone still being set to 'stun', I'll wait until I see her slackened jaw, far-off eyes, and other signs that she is no longer residing in the truck. 

When that happens, I'll slowly and slyly (at least I like to tell myself I'm sly) reach down and grab my cell phone, careful to not catch Rachael's attention.  I'll then push the button to call Rachael's cell, knowing that the ride is about to get a lot more exciting in about 5 seconds or so.







The whole car smiles.  Or at least 4 of the 5 people inside of it do.

While I'm a little worried I could possibly get a ticket for driving and talking on the cell phone, I think it's unlikely.

I'm not actually talking.

Besides I think that I could just show the officer a video of Rachael's reaction and we'd all soon be laughing together and I'd escape a ticket.

I think there are a few people in the world that should not use hands-free devices.  I know the government knows best, but sometimes they actually do more harm than good.  In fact, I recently read an article about someone that may very well be a long-lost relative of Rachael's.  At least, they seem to share the same aversion to cellular hands-free devices.

Check out the articles below.  They talk about a man that was so surprised by his hands-free device that he went off the road into a canal.  He then used his gun to shoot out the window to swim to safety.

So, the accident was caused by a government mandated hands-free device.  And his safety was ensured by using the all so demonized handgun.  And of course, some of the blame can probably be placed on the ever-evil SUV.


As long as Rachael keeps jumping and screaming every time I call her, I'll be a happy man.


Casino guard escapes sinking SUV by blasting out a window with his gun

Associated Press

Posted: 01/18/2010 11:10:09 AM PST

Updated: 01/18/2010 11:10:36 AM PST

A driver whose SUV plunged into a Northern California creek after he was startled when the hands-free device of his cell phone activated, escaped the sinking vehicle by blasting out the window with a handgun.

The 28-year-old man whose name wasn't immediately available is an armed security guard at Thunder Valley Casino, north of Sacramento. He sustained minor injuries in Sunday's accident.

A spokesman for the Roseville Fire Department said the man was traveling northbound on Industrial Avenue in Roseville when the cell phone device activated. The driver was startled and veered off the road through the guardrail. The SUV landed in Pleasant Grove Creek.

He used his gun to shoot himself out, then flagged down a passerby.

ROSEVILLE, Calif. -- A driver whose vehicle crashed into a water-filled canal Sunday morning used a gun to blast out a window and escape to safety, police said.

Authorities said a sport utility vehicle was northbound on Industrial Avenue when it left the road just north of Blue Oaks Boulevard and landed in the water at about 9 a.m.

The driver, seeking to save his own life, used a legally registered gun to shoot out a window as the SUV sank, a bystander said.

The 28-year-old man whose name wasn't immediately available is an armed security guard at Thunder Valley Casino, north of Sacramento. He sustained minor injuries in the crash.

The SUV eventually became submerged in the water.

The man said he was startled when his cell phone activated and that caused him to veer off the road and through the guardrail.
After blasting his way out of the car, the man used the old fashioned tool of flagging down a car to help get him to a hospital. contributed to this report.