Babies Out For Blood

In just a second, I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and use your imagination.

I want you to pretend you're back in the 80's.  Or, for those too young to remember, just think of the various 80's horror movies you have seen.

I want you to turn off your light.

I want you to think of a cold, dark night.

Imagine yourself all alone.

You begin to hear something.  You're not sure exactly what it is, but it sounds ominous.  Out of the corner of your eye, you see a shadow move.  When you look, it seems to retreat out of the room, leaving a violent vacuum in its wake.

So, with that as your preamble, sit in the dark and imagine a blood-thirsty baby stalking you as you sit there.

For those with no imagination, I went ahead and added a trailer for Chucky.



I think they made about 47 Chucky films.  Chucky 1-9, Chuckies, Chuck-O-Luck, Bride of Chucky, Son of Chucky, 3rd Cousin-Twice-Removed Of Chucky, Friend-Of-A-Friend Of Chucky, etc, so I know there must be some fans out there somewhere.

Let's just say that Rachael is anything but a fan.

For those of you that regularly read her blog, My Poor Husband, you know that she's doing a series of posts about her pet peeves.  On a similar note, I thought I'd talk about one of her somewhat irrational, sometimes hilarious fears. 

I played a trailer to some movie about a murdering baby with Rachael sitting beside me.  Here is the result:


She is absolutely terrified of baby killers.  Not the abortion doctor kind, but the babies that come and kill you.  While I am sure this must be a frequent part of everyday life for some, I have never yet been subjected to murderous mayhem coming from anyone under the age of 10. 

But that doesn't stop Rachael from being deathly afraid of them.  In fact, when I was trying to watch the 'Chucky' trailer, Rachael went a little crazy in terror.  I took a picture for you to enjoy.  I couldn't even watch the whole trailer, so if it turns out to be anything other than a Chucky trailer, someone be sure to let me know.

Rachael listening to the Chucky Trailer

I thought of this phobia of Rachael's when I was in Target the other day.  I walked by a row of little innocent looking baby dolls. 

But they were not at all innocent.

They were programmed to start talking and cooing and moving their heads and all the other things the manufacturers could think of when you walked by them.  Just so your kids will say they absolutely must have one. 

Anyway, as I walked by them and they all started making their baby noises at once, I couldn't help but think that Rachael would freak out if she walked by this aisle.

Since she could not see it in person, I made sure to take a picture:

And a couple videos:

So, the next time you're settling down for a nice relaxing book to read, or a soothing bath, or just all alone on a cold, dark, stormy night, keep at least one eye on the dolls in your house.  They may mutinize and come after you when you least expect it.  And, if you know Rachael is going to be alone, do me a favor and bring a Chucky doll over to our front door, ring the doorbell, run away, and record the reaction when Rachael opens the door.

I'm pretty sure that would be a great blog post.

So, what about you?  Do you have any irrational fears?  The only one I have is an irrational fear of having my head under water.  While I used to sometimes freak out just from taking a shower, I have now progressed beyond that.  After all, there are too many murdering babies out there to stick your head under the shower-stream.

Someone needs to keep an eye on them.

Feel free to share your own irrational fears in the comments section.

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Rachael the Replicant and the Blade Runner

I ran across a review of the old film Blade Runner the other day that I think may help explain some things regarding Life With Rachael.

The link is at http://antimisandry.com/films/remains-day-blade-runner-shining-shining-23150.html

"The replicants are not human; but human creations and so perfect that you simply cannot tell them apart. But they’re not allowed to live on Earth. The blade runners are meant to kill any replicants that escape to Earth. .....

There is one laborious way to tell if a replicant is plying them self off as human and that is with a fancy machine that scans all non verbal communication. A blade runner will carry out the test as he asks a series of questions designed to present the suspect with various moral dilemmas. The Voight Kampff test machine then gives readings as to whether the suspect is human or not. The replicants are created as adults and have a 4 year life span, but the ones who escape to Earth want more life. Rachael is different, and doesn’t know she is a replicant; she also has implanted memories convincing her that she had a childhood and actually lived to her current age.  (Emphasis mine)

Now, as any regular reader of my blog, Life With Rachael, can attest, this actually explains a lot.

Rachael the Replicant was created somewhere other than Earth.  While she has done an amazingly remarkable job of fitting in, I think the challenges stem from the following true statements regarding the planet the replicants come from:

1.  There are no cell phones.  The replicants have no need for cell phones, as they don't gain anything by chit-chatting with each other.  It's kind of like the toaster talking to the microwave.  They both make some noise, but nothing much gets communicated.  So, Rachael did not receive cell-phone protocol training.  Which is what has resulted in her losing two cell phones within the past two to four weeks.  It's not her fault.  Darn replicant training!

2.  There are no purses.  Think about it.  What does a woman carry in her purse?  While the entire answer to this question is actually unknown to anyone of the male gender, we can go through the basics.  Cell phone- replicants weren't trained to use them.  Lipstick- replicants don't need them as their lips are created the perfect shade.  That about sums it up.  Having no need for a purse, replicants are not trained regarding the risks of leaving their purse at book stores, on the top of their car, etc.
3.  There are no BBQ's.  Replicants don't really need to eat, so they are not trained to keep the heat below 650 degrees when cooking on a BBQ.

4.  There are no gas stations.  Replicants do not drive.  They take advantage of the latest state-of-the-art teletransporters.  In fact, this has proven to be a major downfall for many a replicant.  They are unable to properly operate their vehicle, which is a major give-away for blade runners to look for.  And those that drive away with gas pumps still attached- Their replicant days are numbered.  Somewhat related is number

5.  There are no cars.  Replicants have not been programmed to de-clutter or clean their vehicles.  Just today, I asked Rachael if she could give me a short ride in her car.  She got that worried look on her perfectly sculpted replicant face.  She immediately got a trash bag and hurried out to her car.  I'm thinking that Replicant Training 2.0 will probably have this important upgrade included.  We shall see.

So, now, you and I both know the truth.  The question becomes- What will we do about it?

Me?

I think I'll try to find my replicant remote and see if I can program it to run my DVD player as well.  Then, I think I'll see if Rachael wants to join me to watch The Stepford Wives or something.

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