What's In An Ad?

While viewing Rachael's blog the other day, I was quite impressed with the variety of the ads found on her pages.  I actually think that blog ads could be a fast, effective means of getting to know a person.  In fact, there are probably many great uses!

-Employers can make quick decisions regarding hiring prospective employees.
-Potential dating partners can evaluate their future dates.
-Friends can laugh at each other.

With that being said, I decided to take a closer look at Rachael's ads.  I figured this would give me a chance to get to know my beloved a little better.  I'm looking forward to making a deeper connection with my soulmate.  To start, I took a small sampling off of a few of her posts.  I'll try to post a follow-up sometime in the future.

The ads are in italics, with my comments after each one.


Stop Migraine Headaches
You probably haven't heard about the best treatment available
http://www.theheadacheremedy.com/


OK, so I'm thinking that this ad was put on there in deference to her Poor Husband, knowing I'd probably need some help.


Stop Fuel Theft
Diesel & Gas Pump Alarm Systems Millions $ saved since 2006
www.flintloc.com
 
Well, she didn't actually steal the fuel, but I'm thinking the Gas Pump Alarm System may come in handy.  I can picture it now,  Rachael starts to drive away, hose still attached to her car, the Gas Pump Alarm System is activated.  A shrill shriek or a shrieky shrill immediately goes off, revolving lights turn on, mechanical arms shut off the only exits from the station and Rachael can not force the poor gas station guy to chase her down anymore.
 
Gas Pumps
Find it here. Bargains & Savings on Gas Pumps
ivyblue.com


In case the entire pump needs replaced.  Or, I'm sure they have parts.  They'd probably even sell a gas station owner a new hose for $442 or so.


Prepare to be Shocked
Millions have already taken this amazing test. What's your RealAge?
RealAge.com
 
OK, so I think this pretty much fits every post.  Not the age part, but the Prepare to be Shocked.  The ad men and women knew they could not leave this ad off of My Poor Husband.
 
Tree Service Estimates
Any Job: Trim, Remove or Plant. Get Free Estimates Today!
www.ServiceMagic.com
 
I'm thinking this is the solution to the apple tree that reached down and attacked the top of Rachael's car.  Instead of looking for another spot and parking where a tree does not already exist, we'll just remove the tree.  Problem Solved!
 
Park My Car
Find more sources/options for Park My Car
webcrawler.com/park_my_car


For those that seem to have a hard time parking their car.  Hmmm, I can't really think of anyone.  Can you?


Locked Keys In Car
Find the absolute lowest prices on locked keys in car.
http://www.shoppersource.com/


Well, of course Rachael would never actually do this, but if it ever happens, at least she'll know where to call.


Flushing Car Keys
Call Us For Lock Installation And Key Copying. Free Estimates.
AbcoLocks.net


I'm guessing that this is for when you are so tired of losing your keys, you just decide to flush them down the toilet and take care of the problem once and for all.  That way, you'll always know right where they are!


Car Locksmith
Search multiple engines at once for car locksmith
www.webcrawler.com
Car Key Spare
Find Low Prices On Car Key Spare. Compare Products, Prices & Stores.
shopping.yahoo.com


Hmmm, is it just me or does there seem to be a bunch of these 'lose your key' ads on Rachael's site? 


Women No Bra

Find more sources/options for what your looking for

webcrawler.com/women


So, I'm just thinking that I'm glad this one showed up on Rachael's blog and not mine.  I'm afraid I might not be able to explain it if it was on mine.




Girls With No Underwear
Find great deals and save! Compare products, prices & stores

http://www.shopping.com/


Ummm, yeah.  So, enough said.

Not the Best Western

As most of you know by now, I recently had several heart tests, culminating in an angiogram which turned out clear.  The angiogram was scheduled for Monday morning at 6AM in Fremont, CA, which is about an hour and a half from our home.

Rachael and I calculated drive time, getting ready time, etc and found out we'd have to get up around 3:15AM to get there on time.

Instead, we opted to go up the night before and stay the night there.  We decided to stay in the same Best Western that Rachael had previously taken out her pent up hostilities and suppressed violent urges on.  The one that we'd had to pay $140 to in order for them to replace the door Rachael kicked in.  (For the full story, click on this link.)

As we were preparing to enter the Best Western, I asked Rachael if she thought they would remember her.  While she was not sure, she certainly remembered the person she'd previously dealt with.

"That's him!"

"That's who?"

"That's the guy that I talked to when I checked in."

"The same guy?  Are you sure?"

She was sure.  We walked up to the front counter.  While not exceptionally friendly, he went through the motions of checking us in.  When he came to the question, 'Have you stayed with us before?' I thought I'd try to bring some humor into the situation.  I figured he'd know soon enough that Mrs. Karate Kid was back- surely her name would be noted in their system.  I tried my best to mitigate the damage that had been done.

"Yeah, you might remember her from a month or two ago.  She was the one that kicked in one of your doors!"

No verbal response.

But the body language said it all.  He visibly tensed and suddenly found that the computer screen was so very interesting that he didn't need to even look at us.

I'm not sure why he took it so personally, but he seemed to really NOT care for us.  Rachael assures me that he was very friendly and had a great smile when she checked in the first time.

I would not know. 

I never saw the smile.

He does, however, have a great scowl.  And ability to ignore the pesky things in life.  Like Life With Rachael. 

I should have given him both of our blog addresses.  After reading them, he'd at least know he was in good company.  Maybe he could contact the manager of Chevron and they could start a support group or something.

"Hi, my name is ____________ and I have crossed the path of Life With Rachael."

"Hi ____________!  We're all here for you!"

At the time, however, he did not seem to be in the mood for any more frivolity from Rachael or me.  In fact, once we walked out the door, which he ensured happened fairly quickly, I think he called up the manager and said in his best impersonation of the little girl from Poltergeist:

"She's Back!"



**If you like this post, be sure to click the 'follow' tab to keep current on future posts.  I hope you enjoy!   -The Poor Husband**

The Chevron Saga Continues

This was probably the hottest weekend in Salinas so far this year. It was in the 90's, which is fairly remarkable for here.

So, I figured I'd celebrate by doing the yard work I have not been able to do recently. See Troubles of the Heart, if you're interested in how I've been spending my time lately.

But, I had a problem.

I needed gas for my lawn mower.

The closest and most convenient station is the now infamous Chevron where Rachael enjoyed playing her friendly games of 'Red Rover! Red Rover! Send the gas hose right over!' with the owner.

Fortunately, the owner and employees have never seen Rachael and I together.

So I can still show my face there without turning red.

While I was pumping, I noticed something new on the gas pumps.

A little sign was now attached.

A sign that did not used to be there. A brand new sign. It caught my attention, so I looked in closer to see what it said.

It was a warning to drivers that they will be charged for damages if they drive off without removing the gas hose from their car.

Interestingly enough, we've lived here for 5 1/2 years, and this sign was never there before.

Until the Rachael incident.

I like to think of this new sign as The Rachael Sign.

I pointed it out to her and thought of the comedian.

"Here's your sign!"

That is fitting in so many ways, don't you think?

*Be sure to check out my wife's blog, My Poor Husband for her comments on this.*

The Heredity By Marriage Factor

Today was a good day. We had good church services and right after church we helped clean up around the church.

Then came a nap.

After the nap, my dad came over and Rachael, my dad, the kids and I all went for a short hike over by Elkhorn Slough. I love (most of the time) watching the incredible energy of children. They are incredible.

I also love seeing the world fresh through their eyes. Watching them as they discover something new allows me to see it for the second first time again. It's pretty cool.

That, however, is not the subject of this post.

On the way back from Elkhorn Slough, we were all talking as we were driving the little-worse-for-the-wear Expedition back to our house.

We passed the Chevron in Prunedale where Rachael severed not one but two of the pump nozzles. I pointed it out to my dad and of course we couldn't help but talk a little bit about it.

That's when my dad said that the conversation reminded him of something my aunt's mother did.

My aunt lives in Montana. Her mother would occasionally come and visit her.

Apparently, on one such visit, her mom came up to a stop sign, but did not notice it was there. She went right through the stop sign and hit someone that was in the intersection. While this is never a good thing, she stopped, made her apologies, made sure everyone was ok, and was soon on her way. I assume insurance handled the details.

Glad to be safely to her daughter's house, she visited her for awhile.

She soon left.

Sometime after that, she was going to visit her daughter (my aunt) again.

She came up to the exact same stop sign as before.

She did not see it, as before.

She went right through it, as before.

She hit a vehicle, just like she did the first time. She got out of her vehicle to give her apologies and make sure everyone was OK.

Imagine her surprise when she saw it was the exact same person in the exact same vehicle as the first time.

What are the odds? I mean, seriously. Stop to think about it. What are the odds of having a collision with the same person in the same car at the same intersection after not seeing the same stop sign?

I actually did the math, and it worked out to be exactly the same odds (1 in 45,853, if you want to know) as driving off three separate times with the hose still firmly inserted in your car and thereby ripping the hose right out of the gas pump.

This got me to start thinking.

Again, what are the odds. I actually figured this out again. The odds of having two separate instances happen, both with odds of 1 in 45,853 would be 1 in (45,853 x 45,853), which works out to 1 in 2,102,497,609. That's a little over 1 in 2 billion.

I don't know about you, but that seems a little too far-fetched to me to be considered coincidence.

I can only think of two rational explanations.

1. You can inherit genes and traits through marriage. When two people are married, they become one. Is it so hard to believe that they may have a melding of the gene pools? I don't know, but something to consider. Why, just the other day, I was driving down the road on the way to Pilot to get some gas, and I had an uncontrollable urge to pull over to the right. When I did, I looked up, and I was at Chevron. Since I was there anyway, I went ahead and got some gas. When I pulled away, I did NOT yank the hose out of the pump, but I could have. With my marital genetic disposition, I was probably, practically, almost close to somewhere near certainly predestined to do so. I guess it's a good thing I don't believe in predestination, or I'd probably owe Chevron $442 and I'd have to start my own blog to pay for it.

2. Rachael had heard the story of my aunt's mom's adventures with the unseen stop sign and just knew that she could do better. Sometimes getting people to laugh can be worth almost any price you have to pay, even if it is $442 and at least a small amount of publicity. I am a bit worried, though. The odds were exactly the same. If theory number 2 is correct, we may be in for an unwelcome blog post in the future, when Rachael has another Chevron incident, just to be sure she can beat out my aunt's mom.

After considering the two options, I really don't think Rachael has intentionally done any of this. If I had not lived with her for a little over 14 years and personally witnessed many zany accounts of Life With Rachael, I might not be able to believe that any one person could have so many accidental incidents in one life time. But, alas, I have witnessed enough to be a true believer.

Which leaves me with only one possible theory.

Somehow, Rachael and my aunt's mom are sharing at least a portion of the same gene pool.

We'll just hope that Rachael decides that she doesn't like to go swimming very often.

I'm not sure if Chevron (or I) can handle it.


-The Poor Husband

The Chevron Board Meeting

I think a quick recap of Rachael's Chevron exploits is in order.

It all started at the Chevron on Davis Road in Salinas, CA. Rachael decided to really test out the 4-wheel drive capabilities of our Expedition and muscled it through the car-wash, resulting in a $1000 co-pay. I'm not sure, but I think our insurance went up as well.


The second Chevron incident was at the same Chevron. Rachael drove off with the nozzle still firmly implanted in her gas tank and ripped the hose and nozzle right off of the gas pump.

The third time, Rachael was at the Chevron in Prunedale, CA. For the SECOND time, she drove off with the nozzle hanging on for dear life as it's umbilical cord was snapped free from the life-giving fuel pump.

So far, Rachael had managed to get by with nothing more than a $1000 co-pay. Chevron had not charged her a dime for any damage done.

Then, came the fourth, and hopefully the final time that Rachael decided to test the patience and tolerance of Chevron. The event took place at the Chevron in Prunedale again. To the dismay of the Chevron staff that had watched Rachael dragging the remains of their pump hose beside her Honda, they got to see a repeat. I like to think of it as a sequel to the entertaining sitcom that is known as Life With Rachael.



This fourth time, something changed.


Chevron responded differently than they ever had before.

They charged us for the damage.


They charged us a whopping $442. Now it could be argued that this was one of the best things that Chevron could have ever done. After all, the desire to pay for her damage was the genesis of the idea for Rachael's blog, My Poor Husband, and where would we all be without that?

That being said, I still wanted to find out why they charged us this time, when they never had before. I began to think about it.

To ponder.

To consider the possibilities.


My mind began to slowly overturn every over-looked rock to let the sharp sunlight of openness and honesty expose the dark and impure motives of Chevron.

I began to imagine what it must have been like for the Board Members of the Montery County Chevron Meeting.

Now, I can't be sure, but I think it must have went something like this:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ This is where the screen starts to fade and the day-dream sequence begins. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Chairman: "So, wrapping up, Ever since we began our relationship with GE Money Bank (GEMB), profits have been soaring. I'm proud to announce that every member of upper management will be receiving a substantial quarterly bonus, based off of the incredible revenue our late fees have been generating."

Local Manager: "Aren't you worried about the long-term consequences of these overtly irregular and unfair charges? I mean, don't you think we'll lose a bunch of customers?"

Chairman: "Well, it remains to be seen what the long-term consequences will be, but what I think we should be focusing on is the here and now. We're raking in profits like never before! I'd like to thank each of you for your part in this endeavor. And, that brings us to our last item on the agenda today. I notice that we've had an increase in the deductible for our Errors and Omissions Insurance. What is the cause of this?"

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Well, I know speaking for my store, we've had a bit more customer damage than normal. In fact, we had one lady that tried to barrel through our carwash with her Expedition and then returned back to the gas station at a later time and pulled one of my gas pump hoses right off of the pump when she drove off with it attached to her Honda."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "That's interesting, because mine is a very similar circumstance. I had some lady that drove off with the nozzle still stuck in her gas tank TWICE. The same lady! Both Times! And she was in a Honda, also."

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Really- It wasn't a Honda Accord was it?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "Actually, it was. Hold on- Let me grab the records. It was license plate 4GSPUMP5."

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Oh my goodness- It's the SAME PERSON!"

Manager of Davis Road Chevron: "Wow! That's incredible. The same person. Four different incidents. What are the odds?"

Chairman: "It seems obvious to me that we need to take action. When was the last incident?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "That would be at my store and it was just a short time ago. What do you think we should do?"

Chairman: "It appears to me that she needs to learn a lesson. I think charging her four or five hundred dollars should do the trick."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "I'll make it around $450."

Chairman: "Sounds good. Let us know what happens."



*****Fast forward to the next month's meeting*****



Chairman: "So whatever happened with the Chevron Bandit?"

Managers: "Who?"

Chairman: "The Chevron Bandit - You know, the crazy lady that has tried to destroy one of our car washes and three of our gas pumps. You were going to talk with her."

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "You are NOT going to believe this. She agreed to pay a bill of $442. BUT, she asked if she could do it in payments and pay for it with money she's making off of her new blog, My Poor Husband. Apparently, she is going to post this whole escapade on her blog and try to make money off of it. Can you imagine!"

Chairman: "The nerve of some people. What did you tell her?"

Manager of Prunedale Chevron: "I told her that was fine as long as it was a minimum of $75 per month."

Chairman: "Just make sure she learns her lesson. Since our last meeting, I received a video that I think is her damaging another service station. She must be stopped. I'm not sure, but I think she borrowed a friend's car and had another carwash incident too.Is it legal for us to ban her from all Chevron stores?"

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Daydream is over- Back to Reality\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\



So, I can't be sure, but I think that's close to the way it happened.

Whatever the truth may be, I was driving by the gas station in Prunedale the other day and noticed something funny.....



They had installed a second sign that was titled "Rachael's Prices". Check it out.


**For a more recent update to this saga, check out this link.**

**If you enjoyed this post, be sure to click the 'follow' tab so you can stay current with this blog.  Enjoy!**

Intro and The Chevron Check

So, I fully realize that I will never be able to match the incredible wit and humor of my wife. No, I'm not even going to try. I only like to attempt something I know I can win. That being said, there's often additional information that I know you would be interested in. Feel free to check in here to get the behind-the-scenes information that Rachael does not post on her blog. Sometimes she's too scared, too embarrassed, or maybe just forgot. I don't know. But I think you should. :-)

Take today for instance.

Many of you posted comments on FaceBook asking her what happened with Chevron today. She's a little embarassed about the whole incident and told me that she's not going to talk about it.

But that doesn't stop me.

Rachael is in the room with me and I just told her that I'm telling the story. Her response was an exaggerated groan and a plea for mercy. But that's OK. I'm sure she'll get over it.

So...

I'm sitting at my desk today working diligently to accomplish my tasks. An email pops into Outlook. It's from a friend of ours. She says that she has a great idea for Rachael's next blog topic. She suggested that Rachael write an entry about how she posted a picture of the check she paid to Chevron on her blog.

This check has all of our contact information on it. No big deal. Most everyone knows where we live anyway. Plus, we love company.

Most of you now know where we live. Stop by and say hi sometime. We'd love to have you over. Maybe Rachael will fire up her world-famous chocolate fountain and make you some chocolate-covered strawberries or something.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. The check also has our Bank routing number on it. And our checking account number. And the check number. And her signature. Basically, pretty much everything needed to make a check forger's dream come true. I mean, usually a criminal has to work a LITTLE bit to get this kind of information. He may have to toss a few garbage cans, climb in the trash at the dump, you know- something like that.

Now that he's met Rachael, he'll never have to worry about that again. Life just got a whole lot easier.

So, I received the email from our friend (thanks Jenny!) and called Rachael immediately. I asked her if she had posted her Chevron pictures on her blog. She cautiously asserted that she had. At this point she knew something was up, but was not sure what. I asked if she had also placed a picture of the check she paid Chevron with. She said yes.

I had not actually seen the blog yet, as I don't make a habit of using paid company time to check on personal issues. So I had to ask:

"Did you leave the bank routing number, our checking account number, and the check number all there for the whole world to see?"

There was a bit of a pause.

And then a miserable response.

"yes."

To her credit, Rachael got off the phone and immediately took the steps necessary to correct the problem.

Within about 10 minutes, I received a follow-up phone call.

She told me that the problem was all taken care of. I was very happy to hear this. I asked her what she had done. She told me that she'd put a stop payment on the check.

I paused, thinking this over.

"So, if I were wanting to forge this check, I'm thinking that I would most likely not use the exact same check number as I know has already been used. Or, if I were going to pay for something check-by-phone, I'm pretty sure, I'd just add 10 to the check number and call it good."

Rachael did not sound happy.

In truth, I do not see how stopping payment on the check helped accomplish anything other than ensuring Rachael gets to visit her favorite gas station in the whole world tomorrow to give them another check. That, and I'm sure the Chevron employee is becoming more and more impressed with her.

But then Rachael went on, and I quickly realized that this whole escapade was going to work out just fine.

Apparently, the bank teller she talked to thought this whole thing was so funny that she told Rachael she would waive the stop-payment fee and get this....



She said, "Oh, I have to read this now." She wants to join the fun at Rachael's blog.

Rachael then gave her the name of her blog. She cracked up laughing. I'm not sure, but I think she was laughing at me. I know it wasn't laughing with me.


The only conclusion I can come to is that Rachael calculated the risk of putting our financial stability on the line in order to increase her blog readership. So now, we have a bank teller that is following the never-ending saga that is our life.

I actually asked Rachael if she did this just to give her more material to write about. She swears she didn't.

She's usually pretty honest.

But you just never know.