Rachael and the Lost Ark

This is going to be a multi-sensory experience.  To accomplish this, I need for you to right click this link and select 'Open in New Tab'.  Let the video play.  Don't worry- you don't need to watch it, you only need the sounds in the background.  If you're internet connection is slow, you may want to let it download for awhile so you won't get those annoying pauses.  Once this is accomplished, AND NOT BEFORE, go ahead and continue reading this.

This weekend, I had made plans to spend some time with a few great friends.  Kind of a guys-weekend-out sort of thing.

We all planned on meeting around lunch time to start the weekend right by catching lunch at a good restaurant.

I got up early in the morning to ensure that I could get everything done in time to leave by 8AM.  I looked outside to see what the day looked like.  Imagine my surprise when I saw 2 wild turkeys standing in my backyard, as if at attention.

Interesting, but not enough to sway me from my schedule.

I started packing. 

Everything was going great until I looked for underwear.  There was only one pair and, while tempting to try to make it work, that was not going to be enough for the whole weekend. 

Rachael told me that it would not be a problem because she knew there were a few pairs in the washer and she said she would put them in the dryer for me.

I figured I might have to live with packing a slightly damp pair of underwear, but I've lived through worse.  I waited to get the underwear out of the dryer until the last possible moment to give them as much time as possible to dry.

In the meantime, I began packing my truck.  I noticed 2 squirrels in the front yard, standing there staring at me.  Even when I walked close to them, they didn't scamper away.

Whatever.

I went back inside and into the laundry room and opened the door to the dryer.  Lot of blankets, lots of clothes.

No underwear. 

I looked again.

Still no underwear.

Now one of my short-comings is the unique ability to look directly at something and not see it.  I say unique, because if you happen to be female, it's fairly unique.  Unfortunately, for us guys, it seems to be fairly common.  If you are unsure of this fact, just ask any woman and she'll set you straight.

Recognizing my possible over-sight, I decided to take every single item out of the dryer, one piece at a time to be sure I did not over-look it.  There was no underwear.

I called Rachael.  She said she was sure there had been a pair of underwear in the dryer.  My friends and I had talked about the possibility of going kayaking so I was going to need at least two more pairs anyway.  I told Rachael I'd just go to Wal-Mart somewhere and pick some up.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I've had to resort to buying new underwear or socks, due to a lack of clean garments.  In fact, I am certain if all the clothes were to ever be washed at one time, we'd have to buy 3 more dressers just to hold the clean clothes.

It was now a few minutes after 8AM.

I try to be very punctual.  As a matter of fact, some would even go so far as to say I am kind of a stickler about being punctual.  I was trying my best to just roll with it, but I was concerned I'd be putting my friends out if they had to wait on me to eat lunch.

I was just jalking down the hallway, ready to leave, when a sudden peace descended on me.  Jalking is when you're not quite walking, not quite jogging, but kind of stuck in the gear right between the two. 

Where was this feeling of peace coming from, you ask?

I knew you'd ask that.

It was the strangest thing.

While standing within the confines of the walls of my home, I heard the distinctly clear, soothing, and relaxing sounds of a waterfall.  Kind of like the sounds you are listening to right now.

I don't know about you, but I find the gentle sounds of water falling quite peaceful.

On the bank of a gently rolling stream.

Across the lake from a waterfall.

While rafting down a river.

I absolutely love God's creation and often stand in wonder while looking at it and listening to it.  However, I've made a discovery in life.

The sound of falling water is much more appreciated when it is outside.  Of your house.  Not when it's coming from the kitchen area.

I stopped my quick jalking, turned around and headed back towards the kitchen.  It was then I realized the sounds were coming from the laundry room.

I was afraid I knew what was going on.

Not necessarily because I'm particularly psychic, but because this was not the first time we have had a waterfall in the house. 

It was the 3rd time. 

While I am all for Rachael trying to stay calm, relaxed, and peaceful, I really do think I'm going to have to draw the line at any more indoor waterfalls.  Apparently, Rachael is in agreement and is planning on doing something to solve similar future problems.  What, I'm not sure.  But something.

I tried to strategically position the mounds of dirty clothes and blankets so as to help curtail the spread of the flood, but the damage had already been done- The water had stealthily crept into the kitchen, around the corner, and down the hall, wetting the carpet, pad, and underlayment as it went.  I am particularly thankful that I used to be a termite inspector so I really have a good grasp of the damage this can cause.  Especially after 3 large floods.  And probably a few smaller ones Rachael has conveniently forgotten to tell me about.

I finished all of this as quickly as I could.  I didn't do any more jalking.  I was now in full-on jogging mode.  I called Rachael to tell her about the situation, and ran out the door.  I almost stepped on a couple of lizards that seemed to be waiting for me on the front porch.  What's with all the animals?

I was, of course, late to my lunch.  By about 40 minutes.  Fortunately, I have good friends and they seemed to understand.  They'd even ordered my Diet Coke for me and it was waiting on the table when I walked in.

We had a great weekend and I returned home Sunday evening. 

To another relaxing sound.

The sound of a large fan blowing on the up-turned carpet, trying to dry it out.  Kind of fills the role of a modern-day ark I guess.  Only instead of keeping everything dry, it's drying it out after the fact.

When it's too late.

And for the 3rd time.

I finally realized why there were so many pairs of animals waiting outside my house.  They had not read God's promise to never flood the world again, and they were getting ready, just in case.

Gotta Do Something.  I wonder what it will be?

By the way, Rachael swears that she found the missing pair of underwear.  Oh yeah, and the animals?  That was the only part of the story that was not true.

-For Rachael's side of the story, be sure to click here.

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NOT The Luckiest Person On The Planet

I have only had my wallet stolen or lost or accidentally left behind one time in my entire life. Now, if you are like

The Man Purse recovered after the theft.

me, and you live with Rachael, this could seem exceptional. Without exaggerating, I would guess that Rachael has left her purse in a public place at least 25-30 times. I know most of you are sitting there right now thinking I'm exaggerating that number just for effect on my blog. I assure you I am not. Any of our close friends can vouch for this.

The amazing thing is that we have never lost one thing out of it. Ever.

In fact, we have had people go to some amazing lengths to ensure that it was returned safely. Please see Rachael's post, The Luckiest Person On The Planet.



I have never, ever, even one time left my wallet in a public place.

But of course, I am the one to have mine stolen.


I can remember the night well. Rachael and I were enjoying a peaceful, relaxing time shopping at Wal-Mart in Rocklin, CA. This was in our Pre-Kids life, so most evenings were peaceful and relaxing. All of you parents know what I'm talking about.

We were checking out at the cash register.

While in line, I noticed the Ice Cold, Tantalizingly Beautiful, Good-To-The-Last-Drop, Diet Cokes, placed so completely conspicuously close to me. Now, I have mastered avoiding a few temptations in life. Smoking- never have. Drinking- never have. (At least intentionally. That's another post, although it does not involve Rachael and so may never find it's way on this blog. We'll see.)

Diet Coke, though.

I still have a weakness.

I fought the good fight for at least 2.23 seconds before giving in. During that period of time, my face became contorted. Sweat began to pour. My hands began to shake.

I knew there was only one thing to help.

I grabbed a Diet Coke.


Now, I know that there are many people out there that think it is quite funny to play practical jokes on friends or strangers. Some will do almost anything as long as they get a good laugh. A certain memory of a bull-horn in Las Vegas comes to mind, but that again is another story.

I believe I fell victim to someone's practical joke that night in Wal-Mart so long ago.


As soon as I paid for the soda, I calmly twisted off the lid in a slow-motion manner. OK, OK, so I tore it off as quickly as I could.

I was so anticipating the first taste of Ice Cold Diet Coke. The first taste is always the best. It kind of primes your taste buds for the rest of Heaven's Nectar to follow.

Imagine my dismay, when instead of being able to take a nice refreshing drink, the soda spurted all over me and the floor.

Apparently, someone had thought it would be funny to shake an Ice Cold Diet Coke up and put it back in the cooler. I looked around the store. Many people were laughing. Many people diverted their eyes when I looked at them. I knew they couldn't all be guilty, but I was sure it had to be one of them.

After staring at everyone that so much as smiled in my direction, I was saddened to see that I was still not going to be able to drink my soda.

There was a fairly large pool of Not So Ice Cold Diet Coke on the floor.

Now, I may be a lot of things, but I try hard to not be inconsiderate. I did not want to take the chance of having someone slip in the mess that I had created. I asked the checker if they had any paper towels. They did not, but pointed me in the right direction.

At this point in my life, I had a rather large wallet that Rachael had given to me as a present. All of my friends called it my man-purse and seemed to gain a great deal of satisfaction out of laughing at me about it. I am not sure but I think they were all just jealous. I know someday, they'll all have one.

I know this, because I think someday I'm going to give each of them one for Christmas.

Whatever the case, this wallet was much too big to fit in my pocket, so I was keeping it in the small compartment section of the shopping cart.

I turned away from my cart and walked about 12-15 feet away to get some paper towels. I retrieved them and immediately walked back and worked on my mess. When I was finished, I threw the towels away and was ready to leave the store.

I looked down at my cart.

My wallet was gone.

I had literally only left the cart for about 20 seconds. In that small amount of time, some heinous creature, some human waste, some ectoplasmic speck of putrid vile, had stolen my wallet. OK, so I'm not even sure what an ectoplasmic speck is, but I'm sure it is a fitting description.

I looked over at Rachael, for she had been standing there the entire time. I was sure she had pulled out my wallet to make me think that someone had stolen it. However, she was standing there, hands where I could see them, face transfixed. She was in her Zone. Someone had brazenly stolen my wallet out of the shopping cart that she has standing about 3 feet from. They were just lucky that Rachael retreats to her Zones early, often, and for extended periods of time. While her Zone appears to be quite the incredible place to be, it did not prove conducive to apprehending the would-be thief that stole my wallet.

Now, normally, I would have been upset.

However, in this case, I noticed that they hadn't really taken anything of value.


I calmly reached down, picked up my Ice Cold Diet Coke, and finally was able to take my long-awaited first sip.



After spending most of the morning canceling all my credit cards and mourning my losses, I went back to the store the next day and found my wallet behind a row of bushes. Someone had stripped it clean and discarded it like an unwanted carcass, which was totally unbelievable, because it was really a great wallet. If my man-purse jealous friends had found it, I know they'd still be carrying it today.

Every single thing in the entire wallet was gone. I apparently do not have the luck that Rachael does. I keep trying to convince her that I need to rub her for good luck once in awhile, but she doesn't seem to see how that would help. I say it sure couldn't hurt.

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