Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Rachael and The Hang Ups

Saturday was our yard sale day.  We spent all of Friday evening preparing for it and all of Saturday setting it up, selling off a bunch of stuff, and taking it down.  This pretty much consumed our weekend. 

On Sunday mornings, I am typically in charge of making breakfast for the kids and me.  This morning, Rachael woke me up and let me know that we didn't have any oatmeal and that the kitchen was in no condition to try and cook anything. 

We decided on McDonald's. 

On the way there, Rachael decided she wanted to go to Starbucks to get their oatmeal and then meet us at McD's. 

On the way to church, Rachael brought up something she said she was thinking about in line at Starbucks.  She posed the question this way:

"What if two parents could raise a child with absolutely no hang-ups.  They raised this child to be completely, totally, and perfectly well-adjusted with no physical, emotional, or spiritual baggage as a result of poor parenting skills.  Would this child be able to develop stronger, better relationships with others, or would s/he be ostracized due to not being able to empathize or connect with less well-adjusted friends?"

It's an interesting question.

I tend to think that this individual may have fewer friends, but that the friends s/he had would be fairly healthy (relationship wise) people that would allow for strong and lasting friendships.  So, the quantity of friends may be less, but the quality would be greatly increased.

What do you think?

Who are the best adjusted people you know?  (No names, please).  Are they better able to interact with others and develop strong friendships?  Or, no?

This got me thinking about the various types of hang-ups we so carefully guard and protect from childhood as we make our way into the 'real world'.  Here are just a few:

1.  The over-bearing friend.  This friend never saw a conversation he could not talk louder than.
2.  The one-upper friend.  This friend never heard of something you have done that they have not done better.  If you can paint a house in 4 hours, they did it in 3 1/2.  If you lost 10 pounds, they lost 15. 
3.  The insecure friend.  This friend never experienced a conversation with someone without having to get re-assurance about their own self-worth.
4.  The talkative friend.  Can be closely related to the over-bearing friend, but not always.  This person feels awkward if there is more than a .75 second pause in the conversation and is quick to fill every pause with stories of their daily life.
5.  The analytical friend.  Analyzing can be a great thing.  But over-analyzing every single action or word can be quite wearisome to the one that is the subject of the analysis.
6.  The blogging friend.  Oops, I guess that's me.  Better skip that one.
7.  The fair-weather funny friend.  A little alliteration for you there.  This friend is actually quite funny at times.  However, you always laugh at his jokes, even when they are not so great.  He does not return the favor.  You're left wondering if you really have no sense of humor, or if he just isn't gracious enought to return the laughing favor.
8.  The braggart friend.  This is similar to number 2, but this friend does not need to hear about your accomplishments before bragging about their own.  If this person makes lots of money, you know how much.  If this person is strong, you have felt his muscles.  If this friend has a fast car, you have the horsepower memorized from hearing it so often. 
9.  The co-dependent friend.  This friend's 'faults' happen to fit nicely with your 'rescuing'.  And, often, vice-versa.  This can seem like a good thing at first.  But watch out if one friend begins to get healthy- The other will not know what to do!
10.  The prankster friend.  This friend loves to play practical jokes, especially when you are the butt of the joke.  While we all enjoy this at times, some seem to take it to an extreme.

This will serve as a nice list to get the topic started.  How about you?  What hang-ups do you your friends have?  What others should be added to the list?  Check back in the future for a little more detailed description of some of these.

Which of these do you find to be the most annoying?  Have you found any way to effectively deal with them?

-Thankful to be living Life With Rachael so we can have the chance to explore this interesting topic.

-The Poor Husband


  1. Trav, I must say that I have enjoyed reading this article and that Rach certainly poses an interesting and well thought-out question. In thinking about her question, I have come up with the following conclusion:

    I believe that, initially, a child being brought up in an environment with "no baggage" would be great. There would be no emotional, physical, or spiritual problems in the person's life. However, because there would be no problems, how would this person adjust when stepping out into the real world? Would s/he be okay with everyone else having problems and listening to those problems, or would they simply fall apart not knowing how to advise another because they have never come close to experiencing anything remotely similar? Another thought...how would s/he learn to rely on Gid for his strength and comfort?

    I think that certain situations happen so that we can learn to rely on God, and that maybe someday might be able to help someone else in need as well. Don't get me wrong; I believe that we should try our best to raise kids in the manner in which Rach speaks of; however, when we can't always get it right, we turn to God for strength, and figure out just exactly what God is trying to tell us.

    No matter how each of us was brought up, it is what we decide to make of it that will either make us stronger, or weaker.

    Just my input.

  2. Holly-
    Great well-thought out comment! I think your argument definitely has some merit. I particularly like your closing statement about the choices we make and how they affect our strength or weakness.

    I look forward to your thoughts on future posts.


    -The Poor Husband


I love your feedback!