Adam and Eve

Give Me Eyes, So I Can See


Kids say the darndest things!

Anyone that is a parent knows this to be true.  There is nothing like the honesty of a child to keep you humble.  They will talk in complete innocence and total candor about your weight, gray hair, or other maladies you would like to keep hidden and might have fooled yourself into believing you had. 

They also see the world through a brand new set of eyes.  Eyes that have not yet been trained to only see what has been programmed for them.  Eyes that still search out the details and try to make honest sense of them.  Eyes that are beautiful to sometimes look through.  One of the greatest joys of parenting is to be able to vicariously re-live experiences and to look at things from a fresh perspective.

Sometimes, though, it's just plain funny what they come up with.

Tonight was one of those times. 

Rebecca came in and asked me where the Garden of Eden was.  I told her of the three theories I knew about and then told her we could search online to see if there were other theories I did not know about.  We found a website that had a picture of Adam and Eve on it.

As the picture came on the screen, Rebecca exclaimed, "Dad, they're naked!"

I knew she had seen plenty of Sunday School stories with pictures of Adam and Even that closely resembled this one, so I didn't know what the big deal was.  As I started to tell her that it was Adam and Eve, she then said, "Oh, it's Adam and Eve", like that settled everything.  I guess Adam and Eve get a free pass. 

With her next words I understood her original consternation.

"I thought that was Paul and Jesus at first."  While Adam and Eve get a free pass for being naked, Jesus and Paul definitely do not.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud when she said that.  But more was to come.

"But then I saw the long blond hair, and realized it was probably Eve."

While I was sitting here wondering if Eve really would have had blond hair (probably so, since she WAS created perfect), she went right on with her thoughts.

"It still kind of looks like two guys though.  You have to admit it looks like the guys on Guitar Hero."

Well, now that you mention it, it kind of does.  Although thankfully the guys on Guitar Hero are at least wearing clothes.  Some, anyway.

So, Adam and Eve, Jesus and Paul, or two guys from Guitar Hero.  I guess it's all how you look at the picture.

The Cell Phone Stun Gun

The scream pierces the otherwise silent vehicle.

The female passenger jerks spasmodically in a way that suggests she may be getting electrocuted.

The 4 others in the vehicle begin to laugh as the innocent victim recovers from her harrowing incident.

While these statements could be part of a novel detailing the adventures of a psychotic family gaining merriment at the expense of the hapless and helpless female victim, in actuality, they just chronicle a very ordinary trip home from church when you live Life With Rachael.

Rachael, like a lot of you, often has her cell phone set to vibrate, or in her case 'stun', to ensure it doesn't unnecessarily disturb a serene service at church.  This is a great idea.

And lots of fun.

For whatever reason, when Rachael's phone vibrates, it scares the tarnation out of her.  She'll jump.  She'll scream. 

And, often, she'll then give me the hairy eyeball look.  The one all of you husbands know. 

This is because I have learned how to be an effective Rachael cell phone stunner.  For those of you that have read the other posts here, you may remember that Rachael has a tendency to transition into her own magical land, The Rachael Zone, fairly easily.  So sometimes when we're driving home from church and I have a fairly reasonable chance of her cell phone still being set to 'stun', I'll wait until I see her slackened jaw, far-off eyes, and other signs that she is no longer residing in the truck. 

When that happens, I'll slowly and slyly (at least I like to tell myself I'm sly) reach down and grab my cell phone, careful to not catch Rachael's attention.  I'll then push the button to call Rachael's cell, knowing that the ride is about to get a lot more exciting in about 5 seconds or so.

5...

4....

3.....

2......

1.........

"Aahhhhhhh!!!"

The whole car smiles.  Or at least 4 of the 5 people inside of it do.

While I'm a little worried I could possibly get a ticket for driving and talking on the cell phone, I think it's unlikely.

I'm not actually talking.

Besides I think that I could just show the officer a video of Rachael's reaction and we'd all soon be laughing together and I'd escape a ticket.

I think there are a few people in the world that should not use hands-free devices.  I know the government knows best, but sometimes they actually do more harm than good.  In fact, I recently read an article about someone that may very well be a long-lost relative of Rachael's.  At least, they seem to share the same aversion to cellular hands-free devices.

Check out the articles below.  They talk about a man that was so surprised by his hands-free device that he went off the road into a canal.  He then used his gun to shoot out the window to swim to safety.

So, the accident was caused by a government mandated hands-free device.  And his safety was ensured by using the all so demonized handgun.  And of course, some of the blame can probably be placed on the ever-evil SUV.

Whatever. 

As long as Rachael keeps jumping and screaming every time I call her, I'll be a happy man.

:-)


Casino guard escapes sinking SUV by blasting out a window with his gun


Associated Press

Posted: 01/18/2010 11:10:09 AM PST

Updated: 01/18/2010 11:10:36 AM PST

A driver whose SUV plunged into a Northern California creek after he was startled when the hands-free device of his cell phone activated, escaped the sinking vehicle by blasting out the window with a handgun.

The 28-year-old man whose name wasn't immediately available is an armed security guard at Thunder Valley Casino, north of Sacramento. He sustained minor injuries in Sunday's accident.

A spokesman for the Roseville Fire Department said the man was traveling northbound on Industrial Avenue in Roseville when the cell phone device activated. The driver was startled and veered off the road through the guardrail. The SUV landed in Pleasant Grove Creek.

He used his gun to shoot himself out, then flagged down a passerby.

ROSEVILLE, Calif. -- A driver whose vehicle crashed into a water-filled canal Sunday morning used a gun to blast out a window and escape to safety, police said.


Authorities said a sport utility vehicle was northbound on Industrial Avenue when it left the road just north of Blue Oaks Boulevard and landed in the water at about 9 a.m.

The driver, seeking to save his own life, used a legally registered gun to shoot out a window as the SUV sank, a bystander said.

The 28-year-old man whose name wasn't immediately available is an armed security guard at Thunder Valley Casino, north of Sacramento. He sustained minor injuries in the crash.

The SUV eventually became submerged in the water.

The man said he was startled when his cell phone activated and that caused him to veer off the road and through the guardrail.
After blasting his way out of the car, the man used the old fashioned tool of flagging down a car to help get him to a hospital.
KCRA.com. contributed to this report.

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local-beat/Driver-Shoots-Way-Out-of-Sinking-Vehicle-81931882.html

Denny's Delectable Dining or 'Family Bonding at Denny's'

For those of you with kids that do not know, what I'm about to tell you might prove life-changing.  Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but in the profoundly practical sense.

Denny's has Kids Eat Free every Tuesday and Saturday afternoon/evening from 4 PM on.  And, even better news, you can have 2 free kids meals for every adult entree purchased.

For a family of 5, 3 of which are children, this is a big deal.  We can take our entire family to Denny's for about the same as we often spend at fast food.  With tip, tax, and everything, we usually are out the door for somewhere between $23-$30.  Not bad.

Combine the deal with a lazy Saturday afternoon, and no surprise here, the result is often another fat-laden breakfast-dinner at Denny's.  It is now to the point that the manager recognizes us and greets us when we come in on Saturday night. 

While Denny's is not necessarily the most elegant restaurant, it is a great FAMILY restaurant.  It is kid friendly and typically has good food at good prices.

All of that pales in comparison to the family bonding time Ben and I have when we use the restroom.

I know that probably sounds a little weird at first glance, but we have actually developed 3 separate games that make restroom breaks less of a hassle and a lot more fun.

Game #1 - We race the girls.  Now, this is probably an unfair race right from the outset, as we are the only 2 boys, and there are 3 girls.  Combine that fact with how much slower girls are in the restroom, and the girls really never had a chance.  Except, of course, when they win.  But that doesn't happen very often, and when it does happen, it is only because of Game #2 and Game #3.

Game #2- The Sprinkle All Over Each Other Game-  I know this is a game played in a bathroom, but the sprinkle here is referring to what we do with the water left on our fingers after we wash our hands.  We both continue washing and quit at the same time, to ensure fairness.  We then face each other and flick our fingers/hands at each other as to ensure the absolute maximum amount of water is sprinkled on the other person.  I guess it's no wonder I sometimes get the strangest looks coming out of the bathroom.

Game #3- The Trash Can Toss- Once we have finished sprinkling each other, we both take a roll of paper towel, dry our hands off with it, and wad it up into a ball.  We then take turns trying to make it in the trash can.  Now the Denny's we go to makes this kind of difficult, as the hole for the trash can is just a small hole in the top of the vanity.  We often tie, but the last time we ate at Denny's, Ben made his first shot, and I didn't make mine until the 4th shot.  This makes him extremely happy.  He loves to beat his dad. 

I have heard it often said that the time you spend with your kids is very important.  I think that is very true.  Some say that the quantity of time is not that important- it's the quality of time that really matters.  I sometimes hope that is true, as it seems I never have the time I wish I had to spend with my 3 wonderful kids.  In my heart, though, I think that both are important.  I try to set aside some time each night to be with my kids, but it often seems it's not enough.  Homework, chores, dinner all can get in the way.

Or, they can just be part of the process of bonding with them.

That is why I developed the bathroom games.  Sometimes the silliest things mean the world to your kids.

I hope it's enough.


-The Poor Husband

Updated Wordle

If you have not yet seen my last Wordle, you can find it here.


And now for my updated Wordle, fresh with all the new and improved words I've been using on my blog lately:

**To see a larger image, just click anywhere on the Wordle and you will see a much larger version.** 

I really like how this one came out with the words 'one' and 'hope' featured so prominently.  We do have one hope, so I thought this was quite appropriate!


The Wordle website says:  'If you use a screen-capture, PDF, or other image representation of a Wordle on this site, you must attribute the image to http://www.wordle.net/. '  So, now you can make your own!

Birthday Business- Life With Rachael

Tomorrow is Tonight was Hannah's Birthday Party. She turns 8 on the 22nd. She is having a few friends over for a sleepover.
As you might imagine, she is quite excited.


There is nothing quite like the brightness of Hannah's face when she is excited.
One of the things I appreciate most about Life With Rachael is how much Rachael does to ensure the kids celebrate their special days properly. Tonight, Hannah was showing me all the things she has for her party tomorrow. Rachael took the time out of her busy schedule to make sure Hannah's party had all the little things that makes a girls sleep over special.
Party Favors? Check.
Puppy dogs for everyone? Check. By the way, Hannah held up her puppy and babies and it reminded me of a re-enactment of the nursing momma mouse. Here's the picture.

Cake and ice cream? Check.

Glow tubes? Check.
Sunglasses and fake wigs for all the girls? Check.

All here because Rachael made it happen.
And for that I am thankful. Rachael is a truly wonderful mother and our kids have been very blessed by her.
I started this post last night, but finished tonight after the birthday party. Here are some pictures of the good times that were had by all!

On this same night, Ben was at another B-Day party for a friend of his. They had a pirate theme and Ben said 'It was the best day ever!'.

 
 
 

The Mice Murders, part 2

If you have not yet read part one, please click here and start with part one.  Thanks!

As I was moving a log to position it correctly for cutting, a 4 headed, 16 footed, multi-whiskered fiend jumped straight out at me.  I know I said it had 12 feet yesterday.  It didn't actually grow 4 feet overnight.  I had just miscalculated my mice math.

As I jumped back out of the way, I sat the the chainsaw down as quickly as possible.  While the temptation to create a mouse version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre (maybe The Mouseketeer Massacre?) was enticing, I weighed my options and settled on the side of safety.

As I stood back up the mouse thing started scurrying along one of the logs.  Except it was not able to scurry very well. 

And the reason made me feel almost sorry for the mouse.  Yes, me, the self-proclaimed hater of all rascally rodents.

The 4 headed creature was actually a momma mouse nursing 3 babies.  But not little 'pinkie' mice.  These babies were about 1/3 - 1/2 the size of their momma.

And they were hanging on to their momma with nothing but their mouths on her nipples.  Yes, she was literally dragging three babies across the log with nothing to transport them but their mouths chomping down on her nipples.

While I have never personally nursed a baby, I understand that it can be quite painful if the baby gets a little over-ambitious while nursing. 

Even I felt bad for this momma mouse.

That being said, I quickly assessed the situation, picked up a metal grounding rod lying nearby and tried to impale my new-found enemies.  While this seemed like a good idea in theory, actual usage proved otherwise.  The point of the rod was too narrow and the rod was too heavy to really be effective.  I chased the momma mouse under a few small pieces of wood.  One of her babies finally lost it's hold on her.  I chased her under an empty planter bucket.  I missed her again, but another of her babies dropped off.  Finally, as I picked up a 2 foot section of 2x4 for my next weapon of choice, she ran straight at me. 

Without even having much time to think about it, I lifted my foot, and stomped down.  Hard.  She was met with a quick and painless death.

In retrospect, I think she may have actually known what was coming and was willing to do anything just to make the pain from her overly gnawed nipples to go away.

I was more than happy to oblige her.

Next, I had to consider what to do with the three baby mice.  I think they would have probably died, but they were big enough, I was not sure.  Plus, I didn't want to see them starve to death, or if they were big enough, I did not want to see them grow up and later invade my house.

So, I took care of them quickly and painlessly.

While I get no joy from dispatching death to my furry friends, I am not willing to sacrifice my home or well-being for theirs.  I already received one comment on my first post about the sometimes deadly consequences of dealing with mice.

I'm just not willing to take that chance with my family.

What about you?  Do you think I did the right thing?  Why or why not?  Do you have any stories about how rodents have impacted your life?

The Mouse Murders

As some of you know from some of my recent FaceBook posts, I have been waging a war against the evil mice attempting to invade my kingdom.

Prior to this evening, I had caught 4 mice in my garage and one under my kitchen sink.  I promptly disposed of the carcasses and never really gave it a second thought.

Mice are evil, heinous little scurvy-carrying, Hanta-virus infected, scurrying little venomous beasts that only exist to allow us to enhance our trapping skills.

I work for Clark Pest Control and this February will have been there 20 years.  While I sit behind a desk now, in my day I caught hundreds, if not thousands of mice and rats.  (By the way, if you ever need pest control, Clark is by far the best company out there.  Not the cheapest.  But the best.  And I am not biased in any way.  :-) )  Most people don't realize how much science goes into methods used to make rodent trapping successful.  Let's just suffice it to say that the merry little mice that invaded my house chose the wrong spot to live if they wanted to see next week. 

I have personally seen the havoc that rodents create for us humans.  Rodents are suspected to be one of the main causes of unexplained house fires.  They have this annoying little habit of chewing and they'll chew right through electrical wires, or just about anything else.  In fact, one of my neighbors right across the street from me was just telling me last week that she had to have the wires in her Corvette replaced after mice chewed them up.  So, I am not a fan of rodents and strongly encourage you to maintain a rodent-free home.  I feel completely justified in saying this.  After all, we're human and they are, well, they are not.  They are mice.

As of this morning, the war score was The Poor Husband- 5; Vile, wretched mice- 0

As of this evening, the score is now 9-0.

Those extra four mice are the topic of this post.

As most of you probably know, there is a huge storm coming in this evening and hitting most of the west coast of the United States.  While we don't always lose our power, it does happen occasionally, so I came straight home from work and began to use my chain saw to cut up some lengths of wood I have.  I wanted to have firewood in case that becomes our only source of heat in the next couple of days.

As I began to work on the wood-pile, I discovered the strangest creature.  This creature jumped right out at me, had 4 heads, 12 feet, and lots of little whiskers.  It was all attached together in some sort of almost morbid-looking Stephen King-esque way.  It took me a minute to fully realize what I was seeing.  When realization dawned, it was almost unbelievable and tempted me with pity.  In fact, what I saw made me feel bad enough to write this post.

Come back tomorrow for the conclusion of this mice tale.  Which is a lot better than a mouse tail. 

I'm just sayin'.