The Over-Bearing Friend

Recently, Rachael brought up an interesting topic regarding how well a completely well-adjusted person would fare in the world today.

How would they handle The Over-Bearing Friend? 

You know who I'm talking about.  The friend of yours that is completely over-bearing in your relationship with them.  The one that never found a conversation they could not talk louder than.

Would a completely well-adjusted person allow the person to control every conversation, or would they be able to stop The Over-Bearing Friend in his tracks before every train of thought was de-railed?

I have had a few experiences with The Over-Bearing Friend.  I'm sure we all have.  In fact, we've all probably BEEN the over-bearing friend at times. 

If you have one of these friends, it might be fun to plan the following exercise.

1.  Write down a list of things The Over-Bearing Friend is good at or has accomplished.
2.  Begin talking about one of these topics.
3.  Guess before-hand how many seconds it will be before he is talking about his subject.  Without waiting for you to finish, of course.
4.  When he interrupts, do not quit talking like you normally do.
5.  Talk louder, matching him as he talks, volume increase by volume increase.
6.  Be sure you have planned enough to say so you do not have to quit talking due to a lack of material.
7.  Predict before-hand how loud you think you'll have to be talking to keep up with him.
8.  Plan a semi-public place to do this.  Somewhere that is not right beside other people, but close enough that they will hear you after you've raised the volume level three or four times.
9.  When you are both talking at the loudest you anticipate being able to maintain, quit talking completely.
10.  Sit in absolute silence and see how long it takes for The Over-Bearing Friend to cease screaming and lower his volume.  Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy the looks of the people watching your friend belt out his stories to you.

So, what do you think?  What is the correct way to handle a person that is over-bearing?  Has anyone had success in dealing with this without damaging the friendship?

Rachael and The Hang Ups

Saturday was our yard sale day.  We spent all of Friday evening preparing for it and all of Saturday setting it up, selling off a bunch of stuff, and taking it down.  This pretty much consumed our weekend. 

On Sunday mornings, I am typically in charge of making breakfast for the kids and me.  This morning, Rachael woke me up and let me know that we didn't have any oatmeal and that the kitchen was in no condition to try and cook anything. 

We decided on McDonald's. 

On the way there, Rachael decided she wanted to go to Starbucks to get their oatmeal and then meet us at McD's. 

On the way to church, Rachael brought up something she said she was thinking about in line at Starbucks.  She posed the question this way:

"What if two parents could raise a child with absolutely no hang-ups.  They raised this child to be completely, totally, and perfectly well-adjusted with no physical, emotional, or spiritual baggage as a result of poor parenting skills.  Would this child be able to develop stronger, better relationships with others, or would s/he be ostracized due to not being able to empathize or connect with less well-adjusted friends?"

It's an interesting question.

I tend to think that this individual may have fewer friends, but that the friends s/he had would be fairly healthy (relationship wise) people that would allow for strong and lasting friendships.  So, the quantity of friends may be less, but the quality would be greatly increased.

What do you think?

Who are the best adjusted people you know?  (No names, please).  Are they better able to interact with others and develop strong friendships?  Or, no?

This got me thinking about the various types of hang-ups we so carefully guard and protect from childhood as we make our way into the 'real world'.  Here are just a few:

1.  The over-bearing friend.  This friend never saw a conversation he could not talk louder than.
2.  The one-upper friend.  This friend never heard of something you have done that they have not done better.  If you can paint a house in 4 hours, they did it in 3 1/2.  If you lost 10 pounds, they lost 15. 
3.  The insecure friend.  This friend never experienced a conversation with someone without having to get re-assurance about their own self-worth.
4.  The talkative friend.  Can be closely related to the over-bearing friend, but not always.  This person feels awkward if there is more than a .75 second pause in the conversation and is quick to fill every pause with stories of their daily life.
5.  The analytical friend.  Analyzing can be a great thing.  But over-analyzing every single action or word can be quite wearisome to the one that is the subject of the analysis.
6.  The blogging friend.  Oops, I guess that's me.  Better skip that one.
7.  The fair-weather funny friend.  A little alliteration for you there.  This friend is actually quite funny at times.  However, you always laugh at his jokes, even when they are not so great.  He does not return the favor.  You're left wondering if you really have no sense of humor, or if he just isn't gracious enought to return the laughing favor.
8.  The braggart friend.  This is similar to number 2, but this friend does not need to hear about your accomplishments before bragging about their own.  If this person makes lots of money, you know how much.  If this person is strong, you have felt his muscles.  If this friend has a fast car, you have the horsepower memorized from hearing it so often. 
9.  The co-dependent friend.  This friend's 'faults' happen to fit nicely with your 'rescuing'.  And, often, vice-versa.  This can seem like a good thing at first.  But watch out if one friend begins to get healthy- The other will not know what to do!
10.  The prankster friend.  This friend loves to play practical jokes, especially when you are the butt of the joke.  While we all enjoy this at times, some seem to take it to an extreme.

This will serve as a nice list to get the topic started.  How about you?  What hang-ups do you your friends have?  What others should be added to the list?  Check back in the future for a little more detailed description of some of these.

Which of these do you find to be the most annoying?  Have you found any way to effectively deal with them?

-Thankful to be living Life With Rachael so we can have the chance to explore this interesting topic.

-The Poor Husband

Life With Rachael- Caption?

Today I thought I'd let you help write the post.  I took a couple of pictures of Rachael today that just beg for your captions. 

We are painting at our church.  When I walked into the sanctuary, this is what I saw:

Your Caption Here

In case you have not guessed, that is indeed Rachael.  When I saw this, I had a few captions come to mind.

1.  "Maybe if I crawl under here, no one will be able to find me.  I can zone for awhile without being interrupted."

2.  "I know I put my cell phone somewhere.  Maybe it's under here!"

3.  "If I can't see them, they can't see me."

4.  "There's my purse!"

5.  "Just thought I'd practice hiding in case I ever come face to face with the manager of Chevron again."

But, I need your help.  This picture just pleads to have your caption added to it.  Please comment so everyone can see.

Here is a second picture, in case you want to caption it, as well~

Kind of looks like she's praying.

Add your caption now.  Thanks!

Rachael and The Stinky Rose

"A Rose By Any Other Name..."

Today, we had a yard sale.  It was an incredible family affair.  The kids sold tons of stuff, we sold tons of stuff and it was a great day.

Twice a year, our entire neighborhood (Oak Hills) has a huge yard sale.  This year, around 50 families participated.  There were deals to be had everywhere.  I went to a few of my neighbor's yard sales and talked with several residents, and we're not sure if anyone from outside the neighborhood ever even comes to these yard sales.  The suspicion is that we basically just trade items from one house in the neighborhood to another. 

This is great until you see your friend's wife at a neighborhood BBQ and she starts to talk to you.

"Hey- Good to see you!  Nice shirt, by the way.  My husband has one just like it."  and then you have to explain that he actually doesn't have a shirt just like it any more because you bought it from him at the last yard barter.  Which is one of the reasons, among many others I assure you, that one should never buy their underwear at a yard sale. 

Our neighborhood has a tradition.  At the end of the day, Goodwill vans and trucks can be seen everywhere.  Around 3 PM, all the residents start taking all of their unsold treasures to the street and Goodwill takes it away.  Goodwill gets some great stuff, we get a tax deduction, and everyone is happy. 

Each year, it's kind of fun to watch the race that develops.  People start placing their junk treasures out at the street shortly before Goodwill gets there.  This leaves a narrow window of opportunity for people to come by and get the deal of the day- Everything they want for free.

While my wife assures me that she was not officially entered in this Scavenger Race, all I know is she raced off down the street minutes in front of a Goodwill truck.  A few minutes later, she came back, somewhat breathless with excitement.

She found a box-springs and mattress for Ben, our youngest.  His current mattress has definitely seen better days, and she found a Sealy box-springs and mattress in great shape.  She swooped in, as any good scavenger is known to do, and bought it from them, just as Goodwill was loading the last of their stuff into their truck.  Two minutes later and she'd have been too late and they'd have been $5 poorer.

She told me about the great deal and asked me if I'd go pick it up.  I was pretty happy about this, as well, and headed down the road to the address she gave me.  She told me it was on 1234 Century Oak, which is right around the corner from our house.  I went down there, and turned left, but the street addresses did not match.  I turned around and crossed our street, keeping my eyes open for the sought after address. 

It did not exist.

When I turned left off of our street, the addresses were all too small.  When I turned around and went on the other side of our street, the addresses were all 5 digits.

I called Rachael.  Now, since Rachael has lost the last several cell phones she has had, and is currently without one, I hoped against hope that she'd hear the home phone, since she was outside watching over our yard sale.

Apparently, my little prayer worked, because Rachael answered.  I was sure to say hi before she had even finished with her 'hello' to avoid her hanging up on me.

I told her I needed to confirm the address.  She repeated the numbers and told me again that it was on Century Oak.  I told her that the address did not exist.

She sounded a little exasperated and told me that she was absolutely positive it did, as she'd just been there.  I asked her if she was sure it was on Century Oak.  She said yes- absolutely sure.

I told her that Century Oak is the street right next to where we live, and I wanted to be sure that's the road she is talking about. 

She said 'no' and said it was right off of the road that enters our neighborhood from Hwy. 156.  She tried to convince me that I just needed to go to the other end of Century Oak and I'd find the right address. 

Now, I know our neighborhood pretty well, and I knew that Century Oak did not go where she was talking about. 

I began driving to the area she described.

I soon found the address.  The only problem was that it was on Canyon Oak, not Century Oak.

Not a huge difference, I guess.  But enough to ensure we were never going to upgrade Ben's mattress.  And the funniest part of it all was how absolutely positive Rachael was that it was Century Oak. Positive.  Completely so. 

Century - Canyon

Canyon- Century

They sound almost the same.  But in this case, the name was more than just a name.  It was an entirely different street.

Below is Shakespeare's lines from a little over 400 years ago about what's in a name, immediately followed by the Life With Rachael-Inspired version.  Enjoy!

From Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, 1594:


JULIET:

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Rachael's Inspired Version:

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art the street, though not the Century.
What's Canyon?  it is neither Century, nor Charter,
Nor Cathedral, nor any other Oak,
Belonging to Oak Hills.  O, please give me the right name!
What's in a name?  that which we call a Canyon
By any other name would ensure being lost;
So Canyon Oak, were it not Canyon Oak call'd
Retain that address at any cost,
Keep that title.  Canyon Oak, retain they name,
And with that name that is a part of thee,
I will find thee myself.

10 Things I Absolutely Love About Rachael

Life With Rachael is sometimes filled with a little TOO much excitement.  A little TOO many forgotten items.  Too many destroyed gas pumps and too many lost cell phones.

Hey, at least it never gets boring.

Tonight, I was thinking about the things that make Rachael special in my eyes. 

1.  Her absolute honest love.  This provides a firm foundation for deeper relationships.

2.  Her sweet and caring spirit.  She truly cares about others and shows it in many ways.

3.  Her music/singing talents.  I absolutely love to sit and listen to her play and sing.

4.  Her successful connections with the kids.  This does not always come easy or natural, and Rachael has conquered it.

5.  Her thoughtfulness.  Her thoughtfulness and her forgetfulness can sometime vie for attention, seeking the ultimate approval from Rachael, but when she thinks about another person, she tries to make sure they are happy.

6.  Her honesty.  Rachael tries harder than just about anyone I've ever known to do the right thing and be honest on a day-to-day basis.

7.  Her sincere searching.  Her willingness to delve into new topics to develop an informed belief.

8.  Her ability to make me a better person by sharing a life with her.

9.  Her ability to complete me.  I would truly no longer be whole if Rachael was not in my life.

10.  Her beautiful, sparkling blue eyes when she is excited about something.  I love that sparkle.  Sometimes I miss that sparkle.  As we get older, so many things (me being one of them at times) can take away the sparkle.  All of us have to work hard to retain the 'sparkle' in our own lives.

I know, I know - They're really not that funny.  I ask you to indulge me this time to talk about the great things that make Rachael so wonderful, even if they aren't quite as exciting as driving off 3 times, ripping the nozzle out of the gas pump.  Or 4x4'in in the car wash.  Or flooding the house for the 3rd time.


Rachael is truly one of the most honest, loving, compassionate people I have ever known.  I am thankful that God allowed us to be together.

She truly is one Heck of a good woman/wife/mother/friend.

I am blessed.

Rachael and the Lost Ark

This is going to be a multi-sensory experience.  To accomplish this, I need for you to right click this link and select 'Open in New Tab'.  Let the video play.  Don't worry- you don't need to watch it, you only need the sounds in the background.  If you're internet connection is slow, you may want to let it download for awhile so you won't get those annoying pauses.  Once this is accomplished, AND NOT BEFORE, go ahead and continue reading this.

This weekend, I had made plans to spend some time with a few great friends.  Kind of a guys-weekend-out sort of thing.

We all planned on meeting around lunch time to start the weekend right by catching lunch at a good restaurant.

I got up early in the morning to ensure that I could get everything done in time to leave by 8AM.  I looked outside to see what the day looked like.  Imagine my surprise when I saw 2 wild turkeys standing in my backyard, as if at attention.

Interesting, but not enough to sway me from my schedule.

I started packing. 

Everything was going great until I looked for underwear.  There was only one pair and, while tempting to try to make it work, that was not going to be enough for the whole weekend. 

Rachael told me that it would not be a problem because she knew there were a few pairs in the washer and she said she would put them in the dryer for me.

I figured I might have to live with packing a slightly damp pair of underwear, but I've lived through worse.  I waited to get the underwear out of the dryer until the last possible moment to give them as much time as possible to dry.

In the meantime, I began packing my truck.  I noticed 2 squirrels in the front yard, standing there staring at me.  Even when I walked close to them, they didn't scamper away.

Whatever.

I went back inside and into the laundry room and opened the door to the dryer.  Lot of blankets, lots of clothes.

No underwear. 

I looked again.

Still no underwear.

Now one of my short-comings is the unique ability to look directly at something and not see it.  I say unique, because if you happen to be female, it's fairly unique.  Unfortunately, for us guys, it seems to be fairly common.  If you are unsure of this fact, just ask any woman and she'll set you straight.

Recognizing my possible over-sight, I decided to take every single item out of the dryer, one piece at a time to be sure I did not over-look it.  There was no underwear.

I called Rachael.  She said she was sure there had been a pair of underwear in the dryer.  My friends and I had talked about the possibility of going kayaking so I was going to need at least two more pairs anyway.  I told Rachael I'd just go to Wal-Mart somewhere and pick some up.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I've had to resort to buying new underwear or socks, due to a lack of clean garments.  In fact, I am certain if all the clothes were to ever be washed at one time, we'd have to buy 3 more dressers just to hold the clean clothes.

It was now a few minutes after 8AM.

I try to be very punctual.  As a matter of fact, some would even go so far as to say I am kind of a stickler about being punctual.  I was trying my best to just roll with it, but I was concerned I'd be putting my friends out if they had to wait on me to eat lunch.

I was just jalking down the hallway, ready to leave, when a sudden peace descended on me.  Jalking is when you're not quite walking, not quite jogging, but kind of stuck in the gear right between the two. 

Where was this feeling of peace coming from, you ask?

I knew you'd ask that.

It was the strangest thing.

While standing within the confines of the walls of my home, I heard the distinctly clear, soothing, and relaxing sounds of a waterfall.  Kind of like the sounds you are listening to right now.

I don't know about you, but I find the gentle sounds of water falling quite peaceful.

On the bank of a gently rolling stream.

Across the lake from a waterfall.

While rafting down a river.

I absolutely love God's creation and often stand in wonder while looking at it and listening to it.  However, I've made a discovery in life.

The sound of falling water is much more appreciated when it is outside.  Of your house.  Not when it's coming from the kitchen area.

I stopped my quick jalking, turned around and headed back towards the kitchen.  It was then I realized the sounds were coming from the laundry room.

I was afraid I knew what was going on.

Not necessarily because I'm particularly psychic, but because this was not the first time we have had a waterfall in the house. 

It was the 3rd time. 

While I am all for Rachael trying to stay calm, relaxed, and peaceful, I really do think I'm going to have to draw the line at any more indoor waterfalls.  Apparently, Rachael is in agreement and is planning on doing something to solve similar future problems.  What, I'm not sure.  But something.

I tried to strategically position the mounds of dirty clothes and blankets so as to help curtail the spread of the flood, but the damage had already been done- The water had stealthily crept into the kitchen, around the corner, and down the hall, wetting the carpet, pad, and underlayment as it went.  I am particularly thankful that I used to be a termite inspector so I really have a good grasp of the damage this can cause.  Especially after 3 large floods.  And probably a few smaller ones Rachael has conveniently forgotten to tell me about.

I finished all of this as quickly as I could.  I didn't do any more jalking.  I was now in full-on jogging mode.  I called Rachael to tell her about the situation, and ran out the door.  I almost stepped on a couple of lizards that seemed to be waiting for me on the front porch.  What's with all the animals?

I was, of course, late to my lunch.  By about 40 minutes.  Fortunately, I have good friends and they seemed to understand.  They'd even ordered my Diet Coke for me and it was waiting on the table when I walked in.

We had a great weekend and I returned home Sunday evening. 

To another relaxing sound.

The sound of a large fan blowing on the up-turned carpet, trying to dry it out.  Kind of fills the role of a modern-day ark I guess.  Only instead of keeping everything dry, it's drying it out after the fact.

When it's too late.

And for the 3rd time.

I finally realized why there were so many pairs of animals waiting outside my house.  They had not read God's promise to never flood the world again, and they were getting ready, just in case.

Gotta Do Something.  I wonder what it will be?

By the way, Rachael swears that she found the missing pair of underwear.  Oh yeah, and the animals?  That was the only part of the story that was not true.

-For Rachael's side of the story, be sure to click here.

***If you liked this post, be sure to check out a few others, and click the 'follow' tab.  And tell all your friend, neighbors, and relatives.  And comment.  And become my unpaid marketing expert.  Or whatever.  I just hope you enjoy it.    Thanks!  - The Poor Husband***

Tomorrow

Hope everyone had a great weekend!  I was out of town for the weekend and just got back.  Check back tomorrow night, as I'll try to post a new entry then.  You'll be able to hear about Rachael And The Missing Ark.

Until then!

-The Poor Husband

Babies Out For Blood

In just a second, I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and use your imagination.

I want you to pretend you're back in the 80's.  Or, for those too young to remember, just think of the various 80's horror movies you have seen.

I want you to turn off your light.

I want you to think of a cold, dark night.

Imagine yourself all alone.

You begin to hear something.  You're not sure exactly what it is, but it sounds ominous.  Out of the corner of your eye, you see a shadow move.  When you look, it seems to retreat out of the room, leaving a violent vacuum in its wake.

So, with that as your preamble, sit in the dark and imagine a blood-thirsty baby stalking you as you sit there.

For those with no imagination, I went ahead and added a trailer for Chucky.



I think they made about 47 Chucky films.  Chucky 1-9, Chuckies, Chuck-O-Luck, Bride of Chucky, Son of Chucky, 3rd Cousin-Twice-Removed Of Chucky, Friend-Of-A-Friend Of Chucky, etc, so I know there must be some fans out there somewhere.

Let's just say that Rachael is anything but a fan.

For those of you that regularly read her blog, My Poor Husband, you know that she's doing a series of posts about her pet peeves.  On a similar note, I thought I'd talk about one of her somewhat irrational, sometimes hilarious fears. 

I played a trailer to some movie about a murdering baby with Rachael sitting beside me.  Here is the result:


She is absolutely terrified of baby killers.  Not the abortion doctor kind, but the babies that come and kill you.  While I am sure this must be a frequent part of everyday life for some, I have never yet been subjected to murderous mayhem coming from anyone under the age of 10. 

But that doesn't stop Rachael from being deathly afraid of them.  In fact, when I was trying to watch the 'Chucky' trailer, Rachael went a little crazy in terror.  I took a picture for you to enjoy.  I couldn't even watch the whole trailer, so if it turns out to be anything other than a Chucky trailer, someone be sure to let me know.

Rachael listening to the Chucky Trailer

I thought of this phobia of Rachael's when I was in Target the other day.  I walked by a row of little innocent looking baby dolls. 

But they were not at all innocent.

They were programmed to start talking and cooing and moving their heads and all the other things the manufacturers could think of when you walked by them.  Just so your kids will say they absolutely must have one. 

Anyway, as I walked by them and they all started making their baby noises at once, I couldn't help but think that Rachael would freak out if she walked by this aisle.

Since she could not see it in person, I made sure to take a picture:

And a couple videos:

So, the next time you're settling down for a nice relaxing book to read, or a soothing bath, or just all alone on a cold, dark, stormy night, keep at least one eye on the dolls in your house.  They may mutinize and come after you when you least expect it.  And, if you know Rachael is going to be alone, do me a favor and bring a Chucky doll over to our front door, ring the doorbell, run away, and record the reaction when Rachael opens the door.

I'm pretty sure that would be a great blog post.

So, what about you?  Do you have any irrational fears?  The only one I have is an irrational fear of having my head under water.  While I used to sometimes freak out just from taking a shower, I have now progressed beyond that.  After all, there are too many murdering babies out there to stick your head under the shower-stream.

Someone needs to keep an eye on them.

Feel free to share your own irrational fears in the comments section.

***If you liked this post, be sure to tell everyone, click the 'follow' button, write a review, link, it etc.  If you hated it, please be quiet about it.  :-)  ***

Rachael and the Pooping Woman

This weekend was the Greek Festival in Santa Cruz.  Rachael and I go to Santa Cruz for church, so we are there almost every Sunday.  The Greek Festival is held once a year, but we have never been able to go before.  Rachael is usually too tired.  Today, however, she was up for it, so we decided to check it out.

I am one that absolutely loves to try new things, food being at the top of my enjoyment list!  So, I was truly looking forward to attending.

We were following some friends from church over there.  Nothing out of the ordinary was happening.  Life With Rachael is typically not ordinary, so I knew something had to happen.  Kind of like when your kids have been quiet for tooooo long.  The first few minutes are pure bliss, then casual enjoyment, but after about 20 or 30 minutes of complete quiet, you are almost scared to go into their rooms for fear of what you might find.

As we're navigating our way through the traffic in downtown Santa Cruz, Rachael blurts out loudly, "It looks like that woman is pooping!"

Now, I have developed a somewhat steady response resistance to most comments that are blurted out.  This is an almost indispensable trait to have when you live Life With Rachael AND have 3 kids, all in the same vehicle at the same time.

But even I was taken aback by this one.

"Huh?"  was about all I could manage.

"It looks like that woman is pooping!"

Santa Cruz is known for its weirdness, but women pooping in public are still considered a bit extreme.  Even for Santa Cruz.  Though I'm sure if it ever catches on as a fad, Santa Cruz will probably lead the way. 

Anyway, I looked over.  All I saw was a statue in a small park-like setting with a few vehicles on the street. 

I saw no conspicuous woman.

And certainly not one pooping.

I looked over at Rachael as she was pointing at the statue.

"Doesn't it look like she's pooping?"

Umm, no, not really.  But that's OK.  It looks kind of like she's sitting on her foot.  And I guess maybe a little like she's pooping.  If you look hard enough. 

By this time, Rachael has certainly received the attention of the kids.  Our kids are 6, 8, and 9.  At that age, there are no funnier words in the English language than poop and butt.  So this is an entertaining conversation for them, whether or not the recipient of all the attention is simply a statue, a gilded woman, resting her haunches on her sculpted foot.

I pulled out my trusty side-arm camera, snapped a couple of quick pictures before I had to start driving again, and thought you'd like to see them.

We continued on our merry way, tried out some fantastic Greek food, heard some Greek music and singing, and had a great time. 

And we have baklava that we brought home. 

Plus we now have one more sure-fire way to hear the all-too-precious giggles of our kids.  Just remind them of the Greek Festival and The Pooping Woman.


If you liked this story, please check out a few more posts.  If you like them, please be sure to click on the 'follow' button.  I hope you enjoy!!

Rachael the Replicant and the Blade Runner

I ran across a review of the old film Blade Runner the other day that I think may help explain some things regarding Life With Rachael.

The link is at http://antimisandry.com/films/remains-day-blade-runner-shining-shining-23150.html

"The replicants are not human; but human creations and so perfect that you simply cannot tell them apart. But they’re not allowed to live on Earth. The blade runners are meant to kill any replicants that escape to Earth. .....

There is one laborious way to tell if a replicant is plying them self off as human and that is with a fancy machine that scans all non verbal communication. A blade runner will carry out the test as he asks a series of questions designed to present the suspect with various moral dilemmas. The Voight Kampff test machine then gives readings as to whether the suspect is human or not. The replicants are created as adults and have a 4 year life span, but the ones who escape to Earth want more life. Rachael is different, and doesn’t know she is a replicant; she also has implanted memories convincing her that she had a childhood and actually lived to her current age.  (Emphasis mine)

Now, as any regular reader of my blog, Life With Rachael, can attest, this actually explains a lot.

Rachael the Replicant was created somewhere other than Earth.  While she has done an amazingly remarkable job of fitting in, I think the challenges stem from the following true statements regarding the planet the replicants come from:

1.  There are no cell phones.  The replicants have no need for cell phones, as they don't gain anything by chit-chatting with each other.  It's kind of like the toaster talking to the microwave.  They both make some noise, but nothing much gets communicated.  So, Rachael did not receive cell-phone protocol training.  Which is what has resulted in her losing two cell phones within the past two to four weeks.  It's not her fault.  Darn replicant training!

2.  There are no purses.  Think about it.  What does a woman carry in her purse?  While the entire answer to this question is actually unknown to anyone of the male gender, we can go through the basics.  Cell phone- replicants weren't trained to use them.  Lipstick- replicants don't need them as their lips are created the perfect shade.  That about sums it up.  Having no need for a purse, replicants are not trained regarding the risks of leaving their purse at book stores, on the top of their car, etc.
3.  There are no BBQ's.  Replicants don't really need to eat, so they are not trained to keep the heat below 650 degrees when cooking on a BBQ.

4.  There are no gas stations.  Replicants do not drive.  They take advantage of the latest state-of-the-art teletransporters.  In fact, this has proven to be a major downfall for many a replicant.  They are unable to properly operate their vehicle, which is a major give-away for blade runners to look for.  And those that drive away with gas pumps still attached- Their replicant days are numbered.  Somewhat related is number

5.  There are no cars.  Replicants have not been programmed to de-clutter or clean their vehicles.  Just today, I asked Rachael if she could give me a short ride in her car.  She got that worried look on her perfectly sculpted replicant face.  She immediately got a trash bag and hurried out to her car.  I'm thinking that Replicant Training 2.0 will probably have this important upgrade included.  We shall see.

So, now, you and I both know the truth.  The question becomes- What will we do about it?

Me?

I think I'll try to find my replicant remote and see if I can program it to run my DVD player as well.  Then, I think I'll see if Rachael wants to join me to watch The Stepford Wives or something.

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My Poor Husband: I Remember

My Poor Husband: I Remember

This is my wife's blog post about 9-11.  Check it out!

Never Forget

It somehow did not seem fitting to try and tell another funny story about Life With Rachael, today of all days.

Instead, I thought I'd share with you my memory of September 11, 2001.  I think I will always remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I first heard about the attacks.

Rachael and I had been married for about six and a half years.  We were living in our house in Lincoln, CA.  Rachael used to use her clock radio as an alarm clock.  Her radio went off and she heard something about an airplane hitting a building, but she was half asleep and hit the snooze button.

My radio went off next, waking me up.  At that point, the radio voice was saying that a second plane had just hit the twin towers.  I quickly woke up and turned on the TV.  Just in time to see the the reruns of the second plane crashing into the towers.

That memory will never go away.

Shortly after, we heard about the plane crashing into the pentagon. 

I remember wondering just how far this was going to go.  I was very shaken up.  My dad had stayed the night with us and he and Rachael were downstairs.  I went down there, and in my confused state, first said they got the capitol, meaning the pentagon.  I finally got my story right and I remember my dad's next words.

"We're at war!"

Those words turned out to be true, although it has been a war unlike any we've fought before.  It's hard to fight against a group of people that have no military, have no defined borders.  We are fighting against an ideology, and unfortunately, that ideology has taken root in many places around the world.

Reading some of the comments on the tribute videos on YouTube absolutely infuriates me.  Kids in class laughing and joking about what happened.  Desecrating the graves and memories of those that lost their lives because of the sadistic ideologies of perverted terrorists.

And some in this country laugh.  Or worse.  Make up theories that our own government created the destruction, which of course exonerates our real enemies, the terrorists.

I truly do think it's time for America to wake up.  We are destroying ourselves from the inside out much worse than any enemy can hurt us from the outside.

It's time for us to realize that we should thank God for how he has blessed us.

Not curse him.  Not use his name as a swear word.  Not teach our children that there is no right and wrong.  Not neglect and forsake the very God that has blessed us so tremendously.  Not sacrifice our children on the altar of a two-parent income where neither parent has the time, energy, or motivation to make sure their kids are raised with morals and values, and decency and honor.

It is time for us to realize that we have some very real and very evil enemies.

Not try to sugar-coat it.  Not be willing to give up good sense in an effort to 'understand' them.  Not try to place the blame on ourselves.  Not be so naive as to think that they are anything other than what they are- cold blooded, evil-hearted terrorists.  They can not be bargained with.  They can not be trusted. 

Peace can not happen as long as they are out their planning our demise.

We can not love them enough to make them change.  We can not wish hard enough for them to go away.  We must take action to protect ourselves.  We must be vigilant.  We must never forget.

We must pray to God for the safety of our nation and the salvation of their souls and ours.

So, what about you?  Where were you when you first heard about it?  Feel free to share your stories and thoughts.

May God Bless America.

May we bless God.

A Meal Fit For A King

Tonight, we had an excellent dinner.  We had salmon, lentils (fixed sweet and sour style-more on that later), nectarines, and tomatoes, which were fresh from the garden, and especially tasty.

Now, if I didn't live Life With Rachael, that would probably be the end of this post.  Which would be fairly boring.

Fortunately for both of us, I do live Life With Rachael.  Which is many things, but boring usually doesn't make its way onto the list.

I was in the living room with a couple of our kids when I heard a stifled scream/shriek from the kitchen.  The smoke alarm hadn't went off yet, so I figured there was probably not a fire.  But I was still a little concerned.  I ran over to the kitchen.  I heard Rachael saying, "I'm all right.  I'm all right."  Which is, of course, the one thing you should not say unless you want everyone to find out exactly what's going on.

Just as I walked through the doorway, Rachael relieved herself of her glasses and IPOD.  She did this almost as quickly as she can hang up the phone on me when I call her. 

She next started doing a slightly unusual dance in the middle of the kitchen floor.  Now Rachael is definitely more prone to dance spontaneously than I am, but this dance did not seem like the normal, run-of-the-mill happy dance.  It looked more like the I'm-standing-on-the-hot-potato dance.  I'm not sure that's an official dance, but that's what it looked like.

She started saying, 'It's down my shirt.  It's down my shirt.'  The next thing I know, that problem is solved as  both Rachael's shirts and 2 large pieces of semi-steaming salmon chunks are now residing on the kitchen floor.  I'm not quite sure how the salmon chunks somehow flew through the air and made their way down the front of Rachael's shirt, but that will remain a mystery for now. 

Being the kind and compassionate husband I am, I carefully placed her IPOD and glasses on the table and then I was immediately taking pictures.  My commitment to constantly wear a camera on my belt is truly paying off.  While I had to crop one of the pictures of Rachael, since her shirt was laying on our kitchen floor, I really wanted you to be able to see the look on her face as she realized I was snapping her picture.  ***Addendum- Rachael did not like the way her face looked in the picture and FORBADE me to upload it.  Something about teeth, and chins, and who knows what else.  I'm pretty sure if you pressure her enough, she may let me upload it though.  We'll see.***

Rachael left the kitchen, went to the bedroom, and soon returned.  The next time I saw her, she was pulling the neck of her shirt out, and blowing down the front of her shirt, trying to cool the burning sensation that evidentally was still bothering her.  I, of course, took a picture.

When the excitement finally calmed, the entire family settled down for a nice meal.  As mentioned, it was a fantastic meal consisting of salmon, lentils, nectarines, and tomatoes.  The lentils were the most interesting part of the meal.  They were fixed 'sweet-and-sour' style, and really tasted more like a topping than a side dish. 

And, of course, that's because they were.

Rachael had finished making them before she looked at the bottom of the recipe she was using to see that the recipe was created as a topping to go over rice.

Unfortunately, we had no rice.

This is not the first time Rachael has seen the big picture while missing a few of the small details.  We'll have a post on that in the future.

As often happens when one is more creative than systematic, we were faced with the challenge of making do with what we had.  As they say, 'Necessity is the mother of invention.'

We quickly discovered that while the sweet-and-sour lentils were intended as a topping for rice, they worked just as well as a topping for salmon.

Just one more exciting day that would otherwise probably be a little bit boring if it were not for living Life With Rachael.

For Rachael's version of this story, as well as a few other details from her day today, check out her post on her blog, My Poor Husband.

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The Fastest Phone in the West

I've started noticing a pattern.

I call home.

Rachael answers.

Rachael hangs up on me.


Now, I don't consider myself to be an overly sensitive type.  But after my wife hangs up on me almost every time I call home, even I start to wonder if she's mad at me.  She swears she's not.

So now I'm left to wonder if she really is NOT mad, or if this falls into the large chasm of comments that wives make, waiting to see if their husbands will know they mean just the opposite:

"No, honey, I don't mind if you work late again."

"Nothing's wrong." 

"I'm fine."

"Of course it doesn't bother me that your secretary is gorgeous."

Now, I do have to be fair here.  Rachael is usually pretty good about telling me what she truly thinks or feels.  So, after considering, I had to conclude that she really wasn't mad at me.

So, the question is, Why then is she hanging up on me?

If she's not angry, maybe she's just being rude.  The kids can get a little loud at times.  Maybe the crescendo increases right as she answers the phone, she can't hear anyway, so she just hangs up on the unsuspecting caller.

Rachael is typically not rude, but I had to be sure.  I put this theory to the test.  The next time I called and she hung up on me, I paid close attention.  There was no loud shouting or whining or playing from the kids.

What then could it be?

I thought about her favorite retreat.  Maybe she takes a much-needed trip to Rachael Zone Land right as I call.  I would discount this idea outright, if it were not for the incessant zones I see her slip into.  I mean, it is possible.  Maybe she answers the phone right as she's taking the first imaginary step into the zone.  As the phone rises to her mouth and she says 'hello', she lifts the second foot and moves on in.  At that point, real life disappears instantly.  Without realizing it, she has dropped the phone, and it hangs up.

I knew the only way I could test this theory out was to watch when she answered the phone on others.  This was when I got much closer to finding the answer.

One night, the phone rang.  I sat back expectantly, waiting and watching.

Rachael answered.

"Hello?"

I don't think she had fully pronounced the question mark yet, when she was already hanging up the phone. 

I said, "Who's that?"

"I don't know, some telemarketer."

"How do you know?"

"Well, when they don't say anything right away, I know the computer is calling and in the process of clicking me over to a live person.  When that happens, I just hang up right away."

Ah ha!

So, I tested out the newly formed hypothesis.  The next time I called, it went a little something like this:

"Hel"

"Hi, hon.  How's it going?"

"Fine."

Of course, now she probably thinks that I'm the rude one, but what can one do.  Besides, when it seemed like she might be upset, I asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing."

Of course, I'm not totally sure if 'nothing' means 'nothing' or 'something' or even 'everything', but I have to assume I'm OK.

Because she still takes my calls.  And she never hangs up on me. 

So, if you ever need to call Rachael on our home number, be sure your words are ready.

The race is on and Rachael can hang up quicker than most people can say 'hello'.



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A Labor Of Love

Labor Day Weekend.

Everyone looks forward to it.  The 3 days off.  The resting.  The traveling.  The fun times with friends.

This Labor Day, our plans were to spend the weekend with some of our best friends.  We had planned on leaving Friday right after work. 

These plans had been in place for months.

It's important to realize that when you live Life With Rachael, plans are not necessarily made of concrete.  They consist more of fluid that runs through your fingers each time you try to grasp them.

My first sign of trouble was Thursday evening.  When I found out that Rachael had not yet made plans regarding who was going to feed our two dogs, Rhett and Scarlett, and our guinea pig, Sugar.  I also had been waiting on her to type up a letter for a hopeful loan modification.  I had typed mine up and sent it, but the bank was demanding one from Rachael as well.  I had reminded her several times and Friday was the deadline.

We'll suffice it to say that when we went to bed Thursday night, the letter had not progressed beyond a blank sheet of paper.

My next sign of trouble was when I could not reach Rachael on her cell phone.  On Friday, I tried to call her a few times during the day to see how she was coming along.  I was unable to reach her.  When I finally talked to her later that day, I asked her if she had heard my message.

"Ummm, no."

I could tell something was up.  I asked her about her cell phone.  She told me that she did not know where it was, but knew it had to be somewhere.  Now, I am not really an expert on these things, but I figured she had to be right.  The only other alternative was that it was nowhere, which hardly seemed possible, given the known laws of the universe.  That being said, I wasn't quite sure how that was going to help us.  The fact that the phone was somewhere did not seem to get us any closer to it's true location.  As I'm writing this Tuesday night, it has still not been found.

For those of you who may not know, this is the new cell phone that Rachael loves so much.

...............The one she got less than a month ago to replace the last one she lost.

Anyway, I know it's somewhere. 


You know how most of the financial advisors always tell you that the cell phone insurance is usually a waste of money?  That you should not spend the money on it, as you will most likely not ever need it?  That the plans charge so much money, it's just not worth it?

I'm thinking they have not yet had the immense pleasure of reading Life With Rachael or Rachael's blog, My Poor Husband.  If they would have, they'd probably have a Rachael Clause.  'We can not be responsible for wind, fire, hurricanes, or other acts of God or Rachael.  Forgetting, misplacing, poorly managing, or otherwise misappropriating your cell phone will not be the responsibility of this firm.  All other incidents of damage will be replaced and/or repaired at the sole discretion of the cell phone company, to whom you signed over your life when you signed the two-year contract.'

However, until the cell phone companies enact the Rachael clause, I am starting to think that Rachael is the one person this side of the Rocky Mountains that may actually benefit by having cell phone insurance.  Once the Rachael clause is enacted, I'm guessing that cell phone insurance rates may very well be cut in half.


Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from one of the friends we were going to be staying with.  He asked when I thought we'd be there.  I told him what I thought, but added the Rachael disclaimer, which basically compensates for the unexpected delays, slight setbacks, and the 1-3 trips back into the house to get some forgotten item.

When we finally were on the road, we began to realize that even though we'd had several extra trips back into the house, there were still a number of forgotten items.

1.  Rachael's Cell phone- Already mentioned.
2.  Rachael's Hair Dryer
3.  Someone to feed the pets.  This actually did not get accomplished until a little after 3 PM on Saturday.  Which was fortunate, considering they needed to be fed Saturday evening.
4.  Rachael's church clothes.
5.  Rachael's swim suit.
6.  Rachael's hairbrush.
7.  Rachael's shoes.
8.  Eyedrops and medicine in case the kids get sick.
9.  Rachael's makeup.

Now, if I didn't know Rachael as well as I do, I might listen to the argument that 'forgetting' could be a plan enacted to allow the purchasing of new shoes, swimsuits, hairbrushes, etc. 

I'm pretty sure that is not the case.

Rachael and I are a bit different in the planning department.  Recognizing that we were going to be leaving, I made sure to set things up to have a smooth and successful trip.  I filled the truck up with gas so we wouldn't have to worry about stopping.  I took some money out, so we wouldn't be caught unprepared.  I planned my time to allow for packing.  I counted out the exact number of pairs of socks I'd need.  I calculated the exact number of gallons of gas we were likely to burn.  OK, that last one is not true, but the rest is.

As you can probably guess by now, Rachael's plans are often a bit simpler.

1.  I'm here.
2.  Let's go.
3.  I forgot  ______________ (fill in the blank).
4.  Evaluate distance from home.  If closer than 10 miles, turn around.  If further, buy new once we get there, if possible.
5.  Put up with husband's irritation and/or anger.

As any married couple can tell you, opposites often attract.  And then marry.  And then drive each other crazy. 

But maybe, just maybe, through it all they can learn a little from each other and grow to be better people because of their mate.

I know that is true with Rachael and me.  She often does drive me crazy.  She forgets frequently.  She often allows distractions to interfere with her family and our plans.  Sometimes she seems to live in her zone more than in reality.

But, on the plus side, she tackles each new task with big, exciting plans.  When she's excited about something she'll talk about it with wide-eyed wonder.  Her eyes literally sparkle with enthusiasm.  She teaches me how to look at things through eyes that see more than just the facts. 

In a word, she supplies the missing parts to who I am.  I am hopeful I do the same for her. 

Now that's not to say that we aren't going to get on each other's nerves at times.  We will.  Like the next time we leave for a family trip.  Or she forgets her cell phone.  Or I get so stuck on the details of the plan that I can not share her considerable excitement.  Or I stifle her creativity.

But we will also be there for each other.  Will hopefully complete each other.  Will hopefully never close our eyes to what attracted us to each other in the first place.

The fact that we are so very different.

And that's OK.


Most of the time.

Now we just have to call to be sure her cell phone hasn't racked up 2500 minutes calling to Mexico in the past 5 days.



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Good Morning!

Happy Day after Labor Day to each of you!

For those of you new to this blog or coming from Stuff Christians Like, be sure to start with this post.  It deals with The Faith of a Child and will touch your heart.  Then check out the rest of the posts and be sure to click the 'follow' tab if you like them.

For everyone else, Have A Great Day.

New Post Tomorrow!

-The Poor Husband

What's In An Ad?

While viewing Rachael's blog the other day, I was quite impressed with the variety of the ads found on her pages.  I actually think that blog ads could be a fast, effective means of getting to know a person.  In fact, there are probably many great uses!

-Employers can make quick decisions regarding hiring prospective employees.
-Potential dating partners can evaluate their future dates.
-Friends can laugh at each other.

With that being said, I decided to take a closer look at Rachael's ads.  I figured this would give me a chance to get to know my beloved a little better.  I'm looking forward to making a deeper connection with my soulmate.  To start, I took a small sampling off of a few of her posts.  I'll try to post a follow-up sometime in the future.

The ads are in italics, with my comments after each one.


Stop Migraine Headaches
You probably haven't heard about the best treatment available
http://www.theheadacheremedy.com/


OK, so I'm thinking that this ad was put on there in deference to her Poor Husband, knowing I'd probably need some help.


Stop Fuel Theft
Diesel & Gas Pump Alarm Systems Millions $ saved since 2006
www.flintloc.com
 
Well, she didn't actually steal the fuel, but I'm thinking the Gas Pump Alarm System may come in handy.  I can picture it now,  Rachael starts to drive away, hose still attached to her car, the Gas Pump Alarm System is activated.  A shrill shriek or a shrieky shrill immediately goes off, revolving lights turn on, mechanical arms shut off the only exits from the station and Rachael can not force the poor gas station guy to chase her down anymore.
 
Gas Pumps
Find it here. Bargains & Savings on Gas Pumps
ivyblue.com


In case the entire pump needs replaced.  Or, I'm sure they have parts.  They'd probably even sell a gas station owner a new hose for $442 or so.


Prepare to be Shocked
Millions have already taken this amazing test. What's your RealAge?
RealAge.com
 
OK, so I think this pretty much fits every post.  Not the age part, but the Prepare to be Shocked.  The ad men and women knew they could not leave this ad off of My Poor Husband.
 
Tree Service Estimates
Any Job: Trim, Remove or Plant. Get Free Estimates Today!
www.ServiceMagic.com
 
I'm thinking this is the solution to the apple tree that reached down and attacked the top of Rachael's car.  Instead of looking for another spot and parking where a tree does not already exist, we'll just remove the tree.  Problem Solved!
 
Park My Car
Find more sources/options for Park My Car
webcrawler.com/park_my_car


For those that seem to have a hard time parking their car.  Hmmm, I can't really think of anyone.  Can you?


Locked Keys In Car
Find the absolute lowest prices on locked keys in car.
http://www.shoppersource.com/


Well, of course Rachael would never actually do this, but if it ever happens, at least she'll know where to call.


Flushing Car Keys
Call Us For Lock Installation And Key Copying. Free Estimates.
AbcoLocks.net


I'm guessing that this is for when you are so tired of losing your keys, you just decide to flush them down the toilet and take care of the problem once and for all.  That way, you'll always know right where they are!


Car Locksmith
Search multiple engines at once for car locksmith
www.webcrawler.com
Car Key Spare
Find Low Prices On Car Key Spare. Compare Products, Prices & Stores.
shopping.yahoo.com


Hmmm, is it just me or does there seem to be a bunch of these 'lose your key' ads on Rachael's site? 


Women No Bra

Find more sources/options for what your looking for

webcrawler.com/women


So, I'm just thinking that I'm glad this one showed up on Rachael's blog and not mine.  I'm afraid I might not be able to explain it if it was on mine.




Girls With No Underwear
Find great deals and save! Compare products, prices & stores

http://www.shopping.com/


Ummm, yeah.  So, enough said.

Life With Rachael as a Worship Leader

My Life With Rachael is blessed whenever she leads music at our church.

Everyone that has ever attended more than one church in their life knows that the music service can vary greatly from one church to the next.  Some churches do nothing but hymns.  Some love praise and worship music.  Some love Southern Gospel.  Some think there's nothing better than Elvis's 'You Saw Me Crying In The Chapel'.

Now to be honest, I love all of the above.

As a matter of fact, my personal favorite is to have a nice mix of many different types of songs.  I prefer a music-worship service that is more 'theme-based' than 'style-of-music based'.  So, if the message is on Christ dying on the cross, you'd have 'The Old Rugged Cross' and 'Amazing Love' in the same service.  That's just me.  Your views are probably different.

In an age where churches struggle so hard to be 'relevant', some interesting things sometimes happen.  Here's a worship service that somehow manages to denigrate God, the 80's, and 'relevancy' in churches, all at the same time.  If you can handle it, try to make it to the end!



And, of course, to illustrate just how much music styles do change, we can't forget 'Jesus Is My Friend' by Sonseed.  Ahhh, the 70's!



Whatever the style of worship, I think we need to remember the most important thing:  Does it glorify Him or me?  Is it to lead others to Him or to me? 

Why do we do what we do?

One of the things that Life With Rachael has taught me is how to always search for the answers, to try to not be afraid of the questions, and to attempt to live by faith each day.

And the music?

Well, that's just a bonus.  I am eternally thankful that God blessed me by allowing me to live Life With Rachael.  I love her piano playing.  I love her singing.  I love her sweetness.  I love her.

And, yeah, I love her worship services. 

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